Goodbye 2014

Hello all my fellow readers!

So today is the day in the blogging world where we go back and reminisce on all that has happened in the last year. I will not be a trail blazer on this one. In fact, I talk about what has happened this year just like everyone else.

Last time I wrote, I was in what I like to call "survival mode." In a time where I was learning new things and adjusting to my new position at our church, I basically had no time and no will to blog. I kinda wanted to...but had no energy and frankly, nothing to say. Last time I talked about watering with salt water and how it may not make sense to us, but ultimately, God is the one who brings the harvest. Usually, he brings it around in a way that makes no sense to us as well.

Well, currently, I haven't seen a ton of harvesting yet. In a time where I talked about focusing on the most important things was getting hard, I lost focus a ton, at least in my opinion. I've allowed to-do lists and deadlines to come before people in many cases and it's not ok. I had a great quiet time a few days ago when I got some rest and realized that I have become quick to judge and quick to frustrate instead of extending grace where I could.  I have always known intellectually that grace and forgiveness costs more to the person giving it instead of the one receiving it. But only now am I truly experiencing it in my heart for the first time. Every time I extend grace I have to let go of the side of me that wants justice. Which, if you know me, justice is the thing I strive for A TON. I have a black and white view of the world and grace messes with that.

But, thankfully, my heart is learning just as much as my brain is. Yesterday, I had a meeting with two very special friends and right when I try to leave work to go meet them, two different men came up to the church asking for help. One was lost and needed directions. The other was looking for money to buy cough syrup for his family who had the flu. Working in downtown Dallas, you get use to the con-artists that come asking for money. But in light of the conversations I've had with God, I knew that this was Him asking me if I was going to blow these men off and not help because I had a meeting to go to, or if I would going to take the time to help and be late to my meeting. Judgemental side of me would have said, "If you weren't prepared, you deserve the consequences and your emergency shouldn't make me late to what I have to do. I'm...after all...a church worker and I have important things to attend to!" But, thankfully, I stopped and realized the situation and took the time to help.

Now I don't say all this as a virtual pat on the back to say "Great job me!" I tell these stories because, in review of 2014, I've had a great year. I ran my first marathon...the culmination of me overcoming a ton of mental and physical struggles I had in 2013. After my marathon, I learned how to deal with my depression that comes as a result of my PTSD. I got the opportunity to work part time at one of the greatest churches in one of the greatest departments. I ran coast to coast with my family in what have become some of my fondest memories. Jared and I were blessed with a house. It's been a phenomenal year. But yet, here at the end, I find myself yearning for more.

I got to have a great conversation with my mother-in-law who is also in ministry and she said something great about New Years Resolutions. Instead of making them about varying bars of success, make them about love. I've been all about varying bars of success recently (aka...how many things on my to do list can I knock off!), but this year I think God is calling me to make it even more about showing love to others. So looking forward, I am hoping to have more encounters like yesterday, with people who need help, and less about my crazy long to do lists. People are what God cares about the most. So I'm going to try to align my heart with his even more.

Happy 2015 everyone. I hope God blesses you and your family beyond your wildest imagination!

Giving Plants Salt

Last month I talked about keeping focus on the important vision of your dream instead of everything that is impeding it. This month, I've been having to focus hard! While some great blessings have happened at church, the biggest thing that has been my obstacle is fear.

I actually thought I had gotten past this. My first few months of marriage I dedicated myself to trying things that I was fearful of to show myself there is nothing to be afraid of...ironically including gardening. However, I am discovering that I am a person driven by fear when push comes to shove and it takes a ton of mental focus for me to overcome my instinctual paralysis. The fears vary. I don't like disappointing people. I don't like disappointing myself. I don't like failing at something I have tried. I don't like not being able to help people. But if you look at the majority of my fears, they are self centered. It's me feeling bad that I'm trying to avoid. That fear can keep me from reaching out to others who are desperately wanting to know what hope there is in world.

What I am specifically struggling with now is I feel like I am getting advice and listening to people much wiser than me tell me how to most effectively run my ministries. I want and yearn for their guidance. Yet as I desperately try to follow these guidelines I get frustrated when they don't seem to be working. I get so passionate about my ministries, that I want to see instant results!

Yet God doesn't work that way. In fact, God doesn't work in any predictable manner whatsoever.

I LOVE listening to podcasts. I remember growing up I would listen to Adventure in Odyssey all day long for years on end whenever I was in my room, changing out the tapes every thirty minutes. I'd clean my room. Work on crafts. Do homework. There was just something I loved about listening to something while I worked, especially something encouraging or informational. I've recently stumbled across a podcast on survival. It's not your typical survival podcast, like, how to survive in the middle of nowhere while camping or hiking. It's also got things on how to make your home self-sufficient. While I might try a few of the things in the future, one topic of podcast actually caught my attention as it talked about aquaphonics. It's where your fish tank system helps grow your plants. The nitrogen produced by the fish gets dissolved in the water. You then take that water and water your garden with it, providing much needed nutrients to your plants. The plants then filter the water through the ground and root system, making the water purified for your fish. I had actually studied a bit of it in school and it's an ingenious system, especially if you are farming fish. However, one important note: you can't use saltwater fish because the salt will kill your plants.

Couple that with the passage I read this morning:

The men of the city said to Elisha, “Look, the city has a good location, as our master can see. But the water is bad and the land doesn’t produce crops.” Elisha said, “Get me a new jar and put some salt in it.” So they got it. He went out to the spring and threw the salt in. Then he said, “This is what the Lord says, ‘I have purified  this water. It will no longer cause death or fail to produce crops.” The water has been pure to this very day, just as Elisha prophesied. ~ 2 Kings 2 19-22

Can you imagine if you were a farmer and you saw Elisha put salt in the water and proclaim it purified how perplexed you would be? No flashy magic-y sparkles flew out of it. No parting of the heavens with a hallelujah chorus. No indication that it wasn't just salt water. And he put it in the spring so the whole thing was contaminated! If I were a farmer, I'd be angry that he just put salt in the water that I'm supposed to try to grow my crops with!

There's no textual part that explains what happened after Elisha put salt in the water. But I can imagine he left and the farmers surrounded the spring and said to each other, "Well, it was bad water in the first place. It was worth a shot." Some might have said, "What the heck are we supposed to do with salt water?" But can you imagine that first farmer that decided to use the water on faith? Watering their fields wondering if the water would work or not, knowing they wouldn't eat if it didn't?

Sometimes in ministry it seems like we are watering our fields with salt water, wondering what the heck we are doing and thinking it will never work. But imagine the farmer's surprise when the crops started growing and growing abundantly because it was water purified by God. In ministry, we are told the harvest is plenty, but the workers are few. I wonder if this is because many don't believe that God can take whatever is salt water in our lives and use it make plants grow. Those salt water moments cause us to fear and paralyze us to tell others the Good News about Christ.

I know I have plenty of salt water moments in my life where I wonder how in the world God is going to use me for ministry. But if I let my fear hold me back, I will never get to see God work in the lives of those around me. I have no control in what happens in my ministry except my obedience to the authority of God and those he has placed over me. So, until I see my crops grow, that's what I'm going with. I'll get back to you when I start seeing buds!

So I've recently been out of the loop on blogging. For good reason! It's been a bit of an introspective season of my life. I'm learning to be discreet with my words, including blogging, and not just spewing out dirty laundry whenever I feel like it.

I have been learning something very important though. I have talked about having dreams and longings that God has put deep in my heart. I greatly wish for people to get to know Jesus, especially kids. I long for women who have been broken by he sin of this world to have their hope restored by Him. I long to push myself and do things that I never thought I could in order to push my faith and keep myself constantly depending on God to show me the way.

All these dreams are good and in my eyes, worthy of pursing. I have taken the time to mull them over in my mind. Set up reminders of what my dreams are in my room. I've internalized them and set up my life around them.

But no one told me what happens when you take your dreams from that lofty space in your head and then try to birth them into the world.

The world has humans in it and therefore, is messy.

People either try to tell you your dream isn't good or worth pursuing. "It's a waste of time and talent!" Situations can place obstacles in your way that you have to overcome. There might be people who oppose your dream and directly try to stop it.

But what I've learned is that the important thing about bringing dreams into the world is focus. It's so easy to get caught up in the things that are impeding your dream that you focus on those rather than why you started the process of bringing your dreams into reality. Recently, I had a Sunday at church where everything seemed to be going wrong. While we had a "great" weekend as far as programing and tons of kids, I considered the weekend a miss because I focused on all the things that went wrong instead of pushing on and focusing on connecting to the parent's and kids that God brought to church that morning. I can get so focused on all the things that don't go right, that I forget to do the thing that I came to do in the first place!

This is the mentality that makes or breaks dreams. When I first started running, I thought that I had to follow a training schedule perfectly. And if I missed a workout, then the whole dream was ruined because I didn't do it perfectly. But that's the mentality the devil wants us to have when it comes to furthering the Kingdom of God. God doesn't demand perfection. He just asks for you to bring everything that you have. He then takes your natural and makes it supernatural.

So as you pursue your dreams, whether it be training for a big race or changing the world, don't forget to keep the vision of your dream the focus of your work. Don't get distracted by what isn't going the way you want it to. Simply bring you best, and let God do the rest!

Nike Woman's Half Marathon

I knew it had been a while since I posted. But I didn't know it had been THIS long!

Also late, is my post about our recent trip and race in Washington D.C.! Mom and I had a blast touring and racing. I PRed by 8.5 minutes on a gorgeous course. The race was really well run. But don't take my word for it. See for yourself!

Running. Where do I start?

So Saturdays are usually the days that I go for my long runs! I get a ton of questions on how I started running and how others can start. So I thought every Saturday, I would give little tips for people!

Where better to begin, than the beginning?

First thing you need to decide before you even set out is to have a goal. Some of you, your goal might just to be start running. Great! Get going! Some of you, you might want to lose weight, get healthier or run a race of any distance. Once you have it, write it down! And put it in a place you will see it all the time. This could be on your fridge, or even setting a reminder for the same time every day on your phone! When you write it down, you are much likelier to do it. I have a whole bulletin board with my goals on it right opposite my bed. I see it every night and remind myself on my running goals.

Limits are nothing. Do not doubt yourself and reach for the goal, no matter how unlikely it seems right now! So what do you want to do?

Secret Date to the Lake!

Hi everyone! I am pretty proud of the fact that my husband comes up with some great date ideas. Mine are not half bad either if I do say so myself. We keep getting on Pinterest and trying to see if there are any other great date ideas, and sadly, we have already done most of them! So instead of complaining, we thought we could try to add to the mix and give some good ideas to anyone looking for some fun things to do!

Jared and I actually did this date almost five years ago now when we had our first summer in separate cities while still in college. Jared came to visit me and so I got to show him my town! He had no idea when he came to what I had planned. So we made the long car ride to... Ft. Worth! And I got to show him one of my favorite local places, Burgers Lake!

Image from http://www.burgerslake.com/

This little swimming hole was built over 50 years ago, but they are constantly updating it and have a great set up! There's a trapeze, high dive, water slide and diving platform. My family has been coming for a while now and we've seen the high standards the owners hold the lifeguards to first hand. My cousin was actually asked to be a "fake drowning victim" to test the lifeguards and they were on top of it! The place is quaint and beautiful and there are picnic tables everywhere with places to grill!

Jared and I had so much fun jumping off everything and then grilled hamburgers. But the best part, was I brought painting supplies! We didn't know a ton about each other yet and so we each took a half of a heart and painted different things that we loved. That was the only rule. I think it was pretty obvious that our personalities came out on the canvas!

Drying!

Put together!

We STILL cherish this painting today!

After the lake, we changed (they have great showers at Burgers Lake!) and went to downtown Ft. Worth to the Water Gardens! This place is amazing and definitely worth visiting. I love going back again and again!

Our favorite spot, the waterfall you can actually walk down into!

Yep. I was in love!

I love the water!

Our first of many times to the Water Gardens!

This date isn't really different or outrageous. But we visited a new place and added a personal touch since we both loved painting. Dates don't have to be super spectacular like you see on the Bachelor or something. They just need to have a great combination of new and common interest that ultimately brings you two closer together!

Have you gone on dates to lakes that were really fun?

Let's Go Camping!!

Last week I turned 25!!!! I had the most amazing birthday yet. My friends and family really made the day so special!

One of my favorite things that we did for my birthday was go CAMPING! Jared and I love to camp! It's an amazing way to get away and unplug (literally) from the world. We have so much fun and see such amazing things. Check out this view that we had!!!

Camping has really been a crucial piece of our marriage as well. We have a pretty solid marriage on a day to day basis. But getting away and not getting distracted by phones or TV or anything else is really special. It takes our relationship deeper and stronger and we come back feeling so refreshed!

We've been going camping for a while now. We are by no means experts but we feel like we have a great system down and can do it pretty cheap! And while Jared and I were out on our last camping trip, we discussed that it might be a good idea to pass on our tips and tricks for camping! We hope that this series of blogs will be helpful for anyone out there that might be interested in starting to explore the great outdoors!

So the first thing you really need to think about before you do anything is set your expectations. Camping is a ton of work. There is a ton of preparation involved. You are going outdoors. There are bugs and no air conditioning and everything takes twice as long to do as it takes at home with a ton more effort. It's not going to be a five star hotel, but you will have an adventure! Setting your expectations is important to help your planning and teamwork to go better. Good planning makes a really great camping experience!

Second thing you need to do is decide weather you want to go RVing, camp in an enclosure, or go with the tent. Jared actually lived in an RV for a month between apartment rentals, and I actually enjoyed visiting while he lived there. It is nice to have an enclosure with semi-house like feel. My extended families would take their pop up campers with them on our family camping trips and they do make the experience a bit more pleasant for those who don't camp often or aren't big fans of the outdoors.

Enclosures are actual cabins at the campgrounds. They usually do not have air conditioning but have bunk beds where you can bring a mattress and sleeping bag and you aren't sleeping on the ground. There are also usually screened in which cuts out on the bugs.

Our Little Tent!

Jared and I actually camp out in our little two person tent on the ground! We love the fact that we can not put the rainfly on if we are expecting good weather and fall asleep looking at the stars! It's one of my favorite parts of camping! We do have backpacker mattress pads to help cushion our sleep since we both naturally sleep on our sides and the ground gets really rough on our hips and shoulders. However, the not-as-great-as-at-home night sleep is totally worth some of the amazing views we see and places we get to camp!

So once you know what type of sleeping arrangements you want to have, you can then start looking for campgrounds! Make sure they have spaces that accommodate your camping preferences, and then start planning for a great trip!

Next camping blog, Jared and I will share some of our favorite places to camp!

We are also, by no means, experts. We would value any input you may have! How do you camp and why?

Being Used by God

It's been a crazy couple of weeks!

Last week we had build week for preschool. Our whole preschool hall way is now redecorated and it looks awesome!

After that, Jared came home! But it was no rest for the weary. We left for Houston after church on Sunday and it was go, go, go with moving our apartment. We are officially moved in! Even if all my stuff is still in boxes...

I sat down this morning to catch up on things. It was overwhelming. Not to mention my computer decided to not work last night. And with stuff ramping up at work, I literally had to take a second to just sit and breathe. I know mentally it will all be ok. Spiritually and emotionally, I still feel like an earthquake on the inside.

The Lord has been faithful through it all. He has provided Jared and I with blessing after blessing. We had everything we needed for Jared's work provided for. Moving expenses were covered. We received immeasurable help from our families in our move. We made the move in our short time frame too! Through it all, God has provided. It only can be attributed to Him. Honestly.

Most of the time I open the Bible, it's like a breath of fresh air (disclaimer: there are some moments where I don't come to the Bible with the correct attitude. That's when it is not a breath of fresh air!). Today, I read Ephesians chapter 4. In the light of things starting at work and the things going on in Redeemed, it spoke to me like never before.

Ephesians 4:17 - 19
"So I say this, and insist in the Lord, that you no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding, being alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardness of their hearts. Because they are callous, they have given themselves over to indecency for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness."

I've often wondered why people don't seem to care about the things of God. Why do people see or hear about terrible things happen in the world today (say, human trafficking, poverty, hunger, orphans, etc) and don't step up to do something about it? I think this set of verses begins to shed a small light on that. I believe that it is possible to live far from God even if you have asked him to be your Savior, having lived this way for a small portion of my life. The choices you make on how to live your life determine if you walk through life close or far away from your Savior. Some people's hearts are hardened. Because of this, they alienate themselves from the life of God (read: AMAZING life!) because they are ignorant of it and do not understand it.

Ephesians 4:20 - 24
"But you did not learn about Christ like this, if indeed you heard about him and were taught in him, just as the truth is in Jesus. You were taught with reference to your former way of life to lay aside the old man who is being corrupted in accordance with deceitful desires, to be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and to put on the new man who has been created in God’s image  – in righteousness and holiness that comes from truth."

God is the only one who can change this hard heart for one of compassion and love, fashioned from his own compassion and love for us. We just have to ask. Many times, we need to ask daily, hourly, minute-ly...

Ephesians 4:25

"Therefore, having laid aside falsehood, each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another."

TELL OTHERS ABOUT JESUS! Amen. Also, tell the truth about the way people are living. With love. I hope you see me doing this right now.

Ephesians 4:26 - 27

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger. Do not give the devil an opportunity."

Notice it does not say never be angry. It says do not sin because of your anger. I used to think anger was a bad thing. But now I realize God gets angry too and when I get angry at things, I need to do a gut check with God to make sure I am not selfish in my anger. Then, when I do that gut check, I trust that if God is angry with it too, he's going to change it and be glorified in that change. I get angry that human trafficking exists. I get angry that kids who love church don't have parents that faithfully bring them. But, I know God gets angry about those things too. My anger is suddenly replaced by peace that God is working to change that and I have more fuel to do the things he has called me to do.

Ephesians 4:28 - 32

"The one who steals must steal no longer; rather he must labor, doing good with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with the one who has need. You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you."

If I was running for president, this would be my platform. You want handouts? Stop stealing, lying, and causing havoc in the community. THEN we will be able to help you and make progress!  It's the philosophy that you don't just give a man fish, but instead, teach him how to fish on their own. This is what I love about my boss. He doesn't just give me mindless tasks, but he teaches me why we do certain things that seem like mindless tasks. Who knows? Maybe if those that cheat and steal put their efforts into doing good with their own hands, they wouldn't need welfare support or freebees.

Even if we don't steal or cheat...you want to fight? Hold grudges? Argue just for the sake of arguing? STOP IT. None of this is helpful. It's something I've noticed about people in my generation. We all like to talk about the problem. We like to have a platform and speak in front of thousands about how terrible the problem is. We like the fame that comes with brainstorming how to solve those problems. We love to argue with one another about the BEST way to get it done. We love it when people say we are inspiring. But when it comes time to stand up and actually do what we planned to do, no one seems to have the time to. Or they overcommitted themselves to three Bible Studies instead. Or they have to take their kids to gymnastics, music lessons, soccer practice, art class AND therapy tonight.

I may sound a little harsh, but here's my point. I think deep down people care about things that are important: relationships with God, relationships with other people, leaving the world better than we entered it, etc. They are all things we talk about. But somewhere along the line, Christian or not, we get off track. We mess up our priorities where what we do doesn't back up what our mouth says we value.

God has designed all of us to do something. Some of us, it's working to get the money to fund the things God wants us to do in our churches. Some of us, it's to talk with those in our sphere of influence about what God did for us. Some of us, it's getting dirty in the trenches taking the resources of the church to those God wants to reach. We all have a part and we are all important. We shouldn't all be one part...we would never get anything done!

But what has happened, is we have a Christian culture that is too wrapped up in the things of the church instead of the things of God. We become too busy for God himself, and end up missing out on the life we could have had being used for the kingdom of God. It's sad, but sometimes true.

God loves us. He created us. He wants to use us to glorify Himself to others. In the process, we get to learn more about him and experience miracles that we would never have otherwise seen! It's a scary process sometimes and it requires the leaps of faith we all talk about. But when we actually step up and allow God to use us, it's amazing.

God is always faithful and he's dreams and plans for our lives are so much more than what we could ever dream and imagine for ourselves. I encourage you to never forget that and to trust God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding!

Pushing Through Fear

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing great! And I don't just say that. I really want you to be doing great!

So each week I have been using this new cool technology to communicate to my volunteers and hopefully encourage them as we go through ministry together. So I figured if I'm going to go through making these videos, then I could probably use them on here too and hopefully encourage more people! So here's my encouragement for the week. Remember, it is geared toward my volunteers but I hope you can find encouragement too!



Volunteer 10-1-12 from Madelyn on Vimeo.

Running Across America finally came back online! Here's last Saturday and Sunday's runs!

Today was our 30 minute run. No intervals. Only walking if we had to! I only walked once for about a minute! I am so proud of myself! This is the run I've been training for! Now all I gotta do is get my 5K under 30 minutes in 3 weeks. I think I can do it!

Here's today's run!

New Directions

Gorgeous sunshine at the park!

Hi everyone! Last post I was pretty down. Struggling with post marathon blues and the eternal winter going on. But recently, the sun has come out! The air is warmer and as I've been getting my usual doses of Vitamin D now, my mood has warmed up considerably as well! There is nothing like the hope of spring and great weather to lift anyone's spirits!

What has also helped, is that I am also realizing where and what I am supposed to be doing next. The last two years have been marked by my steady pursuit of my first marathon. From not being able to run for more than 30 seconds, I conquered health problems and mental blocks to overcome my fear of pain from running. In the meantime, I overcame many other fears, literally anything from guns to gardening. So as I am sitting here post marathon, I don't think I'm done overcoming fears yet. However, a new idea has been forming in my head, and let's just say I have a ton of growing up to do.

Ever since I can remember, I haven't given a whole ton of thought to other people's perception of me. All I knew, was I wanted to be different from everyone else. I recognized a culture deficit going on and I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I liked doing my own thing, regardless of what people thought of me.

Now that I'm older and I have great people speaking into my life, I'm recognizing that sometimes, this desire to be different comes off different than I intend. People have said to me that sometimes I seem stand-off-ish, and until they got to know me, they thought I didn't like them. While I brushed off these comments a few years ago, they are coming back up in my head.

I've always said that I'm basically 8 years old at heart (Jared is 5 haha). I say that because I remember that age where everything seemed wonderful and enjoyable and new, and I want that spirit to be with me as an adult. But I recently heard someone say that you need to be 2/3 adult and 1/3 kid, and you have to be careful not to flip it around. So I'm realizing, that my 8 year old self that just wants to be different and satisfy my craving to explore the world is getting in the way of my authentic relationships. And while I won't get to know everyone that I meet "deeply," I never want them to look at me and say, "She doesn't like me." The old me would say, "Well, they should just stick around and find out the truth." But the newer, questioning me says, "But why would they if someone else seems so much more inviting?"

So to sum up what I've been learning, is that maturity is knowing the fine line of being aware of how people perceive you, without letting everyone's opinions determine your personality. If I look at someone and judge whether or not I want to try to be friends with them, I would be naive to think that they don't do the same to me. The truth is, I love making new friends. But the other truth is, I tend to not show that on the outside. The truth is, I want people to know Jesus. But how can they get to know that if I seem selfish or self absorbed?

So I'm going to work on maturing myself, making sure the way people perceive me matches what is actually going on inside. I have no idea how to do this yet, but thank goodness I have a ton of training miles to sort it all out!

Post Marathon Life

So a few days ago, I talked about my marathon experience briefly. I loved the vacation and the time with my family. I was certainly not ready to come back! But while I think there are a ton of people who like to add their two cents about the marathon weekend, like if it was run smoothly or as spectacular as last year or if they had any corral issues, there are not a ton of people that talk about the days after the marathon. People don't talk about the "Post Marathon Blues." Which, I have experienced, full force.

I had heard it was common to have some post marathon blues. Any time you have a big anticipated event, there's some sadness when it's over. But for me, it was a marked difference pre-marathon and post marathon. Coming back to work was difficult. No one seemed to notice that something big had just happened in my life (that acknowledgment wouldn't come for a few days). My sleep schedule was all crazy (and still is. I haven't gotten back to my sleep schedule and it's been a month!). I didn't have any big things to look to anymore. Combine that with the cold, cold winter and dreary weather it was a recipe for disaster.

The best way I can describe what I've been feeling was this undercurrent of sadness in my chest that seemed to be always present. It is like a river, always flowing. I tried to keep busy by working on some projects or hanging out with friends. This would help keep my mind off of it and the river "small." But any time I didn't have something to distract me, this undercurrent of sadness blossomed into a gigantic river, overflowing the banks and overcoming my feelings. Worse, I couldn't run to cope since I was letting my marathon injuries rest.

I don't think I've beat it yet. But I'm getting better. My best friend and I got a chance to talk as she deals with the same thing. And what I've come up with is that what I learned to get me through the marathon is what I can use to get past the marathon blues! When you get to that point in the race where your body just gives out and you are running on fumes, you have to fight to keep going. Things that used to keep you going in training may or may not work. You have to dig deep inside to keep up the will to keep going.

I've gotten to the point where things I used to enjoy weren't fun anymore. Things that kept me motivated didn't exist anymore and clinically, that's depression. What I've had to do is realize that things that are important haven't changed. Spending time with family. My work. My friends. And most importantly, my relationship with Christ. Sometimes, the good and pleasant feelings come naturally when we think about the things we love. And sometimes, we have to fight for those feelings to come, especially when negativity seems to be coursing through your soul.

I've had to fight for my feelings post marathon. I've had to be dedicated to my Bible studies. I had to choose to believe the best in people and situations when I felt the worst. And more importantly, I had to give myself permission to be ok with not being ok. It's a bit like paddling upstream with only your hands. Many times I wonder why God is allowing this to happen. And yet slowly and inexplicably God is starting to bless my efforts and my prayers and turn the river in my favor, where I'm now gaining speed and going towards where I want to be faster and faster.

As I've been consistently choosing to do all these things (and setting up my new race schedule) I'm starting to get back to what I call "normal me." The negativity is ebbing away and I'm starting to laugh more often, smile more and feel so much happier. To anyone who might deal with the same thing, I'd say a couple of things.

1) Keep doing what you know is right. Choose to be kind. Choose to love others no matter what you feel. Choose to love God even if he seems far away. Choose to be ok with the season you are in no matter how un-content you feel. Dig deep. Yes, if feels futile against the current you are in. But then:

2) Pray for God to change the current. Pray that he bless your efforts to enjoy what you have been given and allow you to see the fruit of what you have been faithful with.

I'll let you know how things are going on my side soon!

I'm back!

Hello everyone! I'm back!!

It's just a little over a month since my family and I conquered our first marathon! I'm still processing everything that happened. It still hasn't sunk in that I did it. But I can now say I'm officially a marathoner!

Reflecting back, there are a few things that stand out. First off, I love my family. I love how we navigate traveling challenges, hotel room situations (my brother ended up sleeping in the kitchenette on a blow up mattress!) app glitches and logistics issues. I wouldn't say this was our smoothest trip to Disney, but I certainly had so much fun!

I would say that my family is just out of practice in going to Disney (It had been eight years since our last trip!). Then, add in the new magic bands and our whole method of touring the parks just simply didn't work. We used to rule the fastpass kiosks, had an order to which rides to go on in order to reduce wait times and we used to nap in the afternoons when things were the most crowded. With having to fit in the expo, the new fastpass + system constantly glitching, and running, we were basically doing the opposite of we were used to. I think this caught me off guard a ton. I was constantly trying to figure out what the best thing to do as far as touring the parks was while learning a new system on the fly.

I'd also say, the marathon had us worried for a good portion of the vacation. We had to tour the parks before the marathon if my brother wanted to do any of Disney (boo college!). This had us logging several miles walking when we should have been resting before the marathon. I don't suggest this! We were constantly battling enjoying the theme parks with trying to conserve energy. While I'm used to being on my feet all day, it was still taking a toll. Our feet hurt just standing waiting for the race to start.

Yet, all the bad things aside, I love that my family made the most of it. We LOVE roller coasters and riding our favorites again as a family made this trip so much fun! We even had a poncho day! It was so amazing to watch my family bond and hang out together and made my heart so happy!

Then there was the marathon! I was fighting back tears before the race even began. I couldn't believe I had made it to the start line! Jared and I ran the whole race together! We took it nice and slow, enjoying the sights, running together and taking pictures. One thing that bugged me for a while was that I didn't make it to the finish line at my 5 hour goal mark. What was the point of all that training if I didn't make it? But when I sat back and thought about it, I realized that I traded that goal in order to have the fun with my family in the parks before hand and enjoy the race with my husband during. No hour on a time is worth the memories that came with the rest of the vacation!

So all in all, it was a great vacation. I loved spending time with my family. I loved it that we accomplished a ginormous feat! I loved wearing our shiny medals around the parks after and most of all, I loved the season of life.

Check out Jared and I's race here!

We Get Permission to Fail!

I had the most interesting experience yesterday. We had a run scheduled (Tempo Intervals: 2000m with a 400m recovery three times in case anyone was really wondering). I laced up my kicks and grabbed my dog and my husband and I hit the pavement. But as we made it to the park, we found it incredibly crowded! Families of all sizes were out with their shiny new bikes and scooters. Puppies were being walked. Kids were playing in the trails. Soccer games were being played. It was beautiful. I didn't mind that I had to run on the grass often. I was just glad to see everyone out enjoying a beautiful day instead of watching TV on their couches.

We even saw one of my best friends Ashely! You may have heard how awesome she is in an earlier blog post. She was out running too and I was so glad to give her a big sweaty hug! We briefly talked (we're on our runs right?) and as we left, she announced, "Professional runners! Coming through!"

We laughed and I assured her, she's a professional too. But I started looking around and realizing many people out here are starting their "New Years Fitness Plan." They are going to ride their bike, run or walk x amount of days in a week and lose x amount of pounds. My beat up kicks were looking pretty worn out compared to some of the white new sneakers some people were wearing. What started whirring in my head is the question.

"If this is what people's new year resolutions are, how long will it last?"

I have felt different come this new years. I am not starting a new fitness plan, but cumulating a year and a half of training for a marathon. I'm on my third pair of sneakers and the new ones are already not new. And I didn't start this goal at the new year of 2012. I started it in August. Which makes no sense if you know about the heat in Texas in August.

But I stuck with it. So what was it that kept me working a year and a half later to get me to this point? As I mulled it over, I felt like it might help someone out there.

1. I felt that this journey was a calling from Jesus. You may think I'm crazy for saying that. But if you have read my past blog posts, you will realize that I've held this belief from the beginning. I believe that after thinking so negatively for so long, God challenged me to try. He gave me all the equipment I need...I just needed to trust him and go do it.

For once in my life I had goals. It gave me purpose and direction. That purpose and direction in my physical life overflowed into every other aspect of my life. It's a strange, supernatural phenomena. But because I listened to God in my fitness, I was able to hear him more clearly in the rest of my life. What I found is that Jesus gave us a purpose to live, no matter what area of life we are talking about. Jesus said trust Him and and love people. As I ran and wondered what I was doing, I decided to trust God and pray for people that I passed. I found that to be key to keeping me running and key to me making progress in every other goal I've made in day to day life.

2. It's ok not to be perfect. In the past I've made new years resolutions and when I fail on doing it perfectly, I give up all together. When people create art, do you think they do it perfectly from beginning to end? Of course not. That's why we have erasers for pencils and the ability to paint over things! But if an artist gave up the moment they made a mistake on their art pieces, they would never finish some of the beautiful artwork that inspires us today. In fact, some of the mistakes become inspirations to take the art to a totally higher level than they were expecting.

When I train, I don't do all my workouts! I miss some because life happens. I have found it key to forgive myself for missing a workout and getting right back on the workout wagon whenever I can to making sure I stick with my training plan and complete my goals.

What's even better, is that the Bible tells us that we have hope that God will forgive our sins. If you truly trust in Jesus, we can have full confidence that when we fail fighting sin and bad patterns in our lives (that we try to correct with new years resolutions), it will be forgiven and we can start again! The freedom to fail gives us the hope to fight against the sinful parts of our lives!

3. Christ will help us in our fight...if we ask him. I remember some of the early runs and I'm dying at the end. My legs are spent and I can't breathe. I used to repeat over and over in my head "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."And you know, I made it through the run. Ironically, I do the same thing whether it's a three mile run or a twenty mile run. I hold the same conviction that Jesus is the source of my hope and my faith and He supernaturally helps in one way or another.

When we come across times where we can't seem to break cycles or the running gets tough or a relationship seems eternally broken, we can ask for help. If we trust God and love people and truly believe that as sons and daughters of Christ that our sins are forgiven, the supernatural will occur in our lives and we will see Christ come through in the fight.

So as you make your resolutions (and I think you should) I hope that you think about the fact that you are launching into something that hopefully, you can sustain longer than just a year. Hopefully, you can trust God to guide you and to build upon your faithfulness.

And remember, 2 Timothy says that even if we are unfaithful, God remains faithful because he cannot deny himself!

Happy New Year everyone.