Benchmarks

It has been HOT this summer.

I'm sure you are thinking, "Thanks Captain Obvious. This is Texas."

Well, it's a statement I feel I need to make sure is on the page so that we all have the same starting place!

Because it has been so hot, running has been such a beat down. I feel like all I do is  run slow and drown in my sweat. Especially when I have track days with the training group. The track gets so hot some of the tar literally melts and attaches itself to the bottom of my shoes. Instead of feeling fast, I feel like I'm dragging a bunch of 20 pound dumbbells behind me.

Each of us in our training has splits we are supposed to try to hit while doing our track run. I've been hitting mine even though the heat has been oppressive. So one day when I wasn't going to be able to join my training group and had to do my track session on the treadmill at home, I had to do some math to figure out what settings I was supposed to use on the treadmill to achieve the same speed I do on the track.

I had to redo my math three times because I thought I kept getting it wrong.

I used to run my speed workout according to my McMillin calculator splits it gave me back in February. That translated to my treadmill by running my interval pace at a 6.0 MPH on the treadmill. Now, my math was telling me I can now do my treadmill pace at a 6.5 MPH.

So while I did my math three times using three different methods to get there, I finally concluded that it would be the correct speed. And sure enough, I was able to do it. The last interval was painful, but that's the same as every track workout!

A similar thing happened in my personal life. I've always felt I wasn't good at remembering Bible verses to help other people when they needed them. I've really dedicated myself this year to reading out of my physical Bible and not my electronic one so that I can highlight and comment to myself in the margins. I was hoping that by doing this, I would remember where in the Bible certain stories and verses that meant a ton to me were located. Sure enough, a situation at work called for me to share some encouraging verses to a woman who needed them. Without hesitation, I was able to recall several verses that ended up helping her calm down. I did a little, "hmmm" to myself afterwards. It was the first time I had been able to do that instantaneously.

What's the point to all this? Oftentimes in our Christian walk, we feel like we aren't making any progress. We keep dealing with the same emotions, the same habits, the same struggles and don't feel like we are getting anywhere. However, it's important for us to have "benchmarks" in our lives to see how we have progressed. We need to have an "old self" to compare to in order to see how God is working in our lives.

So as you go throughout your week or month, take stock of things that you do. Whether you are running faster, lifting stronger, being more intentional with relationships or your walk with God, see what you are doing better or what needs improvement. While we have faith that God will change us, it's nice to be able to see measurable progress. It allows us to be able to go back and say, "Wow God!" and ultimately, give him the glory he deserves!

Fireworks

I honestly sit here inspired tonight. It's been the culmination of a million pondering moments and a million questions all converging at once.

I had the honor tonight to attend a concert in the Botanical Gardens with one of my dearest friends Ashley and her family. Honestly, when I found out I was going to get to hang out with them tonight I was so excited. I love their family and how funny, genuine and hospitable they are. It takes a special kind of people to invite me over to a dinner and cater to my gluten free needs and they did so with flying colors. Literally. Mr. Mark's shirt looked exactly like the American flag when you held up our patriotic napkins to his shirt!

But I guess I should start explaining things a little bit, first starting a few months ago when I attended a training for work. We talked about trauma and how it affects the brain. We like to talk in symbolism to get our points across, naturally. We discussed how trauma affects the brain and how the brain achieved healing. The metaphor that the speaker used was that trauma was not a linear model where we travel in a straight line and get to point B from point A. Rather, it's a spiral model where we start at the bottom. Some times we move forward and other times we move back. But regardless where we are in the spiral, we are always moving up.

This is an important thing to keep in mind when we consider all that has been happening recently.

Personally, I've been under a ton of stress. Between my work with the women I mentor and my personal life, there is a ton going on. I can't elaborate. But let's say the new essential oils I received are definitely helping along side some very long prayer times for my anxiety.

Meanwhile, I couldn't even look at Facebook for a while. I feel like a recent post I saw from Glen Beck summed it up exactly:

Personally, I believe my first citizenship is to God. I am a daughter of the King. He says homosexuality was not a part of his design. So therefore, I believe that if you are living a homosexual lifestyle, you are not living in the will of God. However, God gave us the freedom to make our own choices. That's what makes His love so spectacular; He doesn't force us to love him. So in accordance to my second citizenship to the United States of America, you have the ability to do whatever you chose to do, as long as it doesn't cause me to deviate from my freedom to follow my beliefs in God.

What I do have a problem with is how this, among other decisions, was passed down through our court system. We have a constitution which is the most unique piece of governmental procedure in the world. No one came up with something like this before America. I feel like if we are to really protect freedom to live the way we want to (whether you choose to follow God or not) that monumental document needs to be followed so that everyone has the freedom to live the life they chose.

So meanwhile, I see the hate and the divisiveness that is coming across in social media and I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. I wonder how such a court decision could have happened. Then on top of that, how can we have become a society where if you have a differing opinion than I do, it makes you an enemy that I can never talk to again?

So this Fourth of July, I am very reflective and prayerful as I consider what we are actually celebrating this year. While I'm very disappointed in what has happened in our country recently, I still can't help think about the spiral model of healing. Sometimes we will go forward. Sometimes we will go backward. Yet we will always be going up.

As I watched the fireworks tonight above my hometown, I couldn't help but judge which fireworks I thought were the prettiest. I'm pretty consistent. Ever since I was little I've loved the ones that sparkle and have lots of twinkling lights that linger even after the initial explosion. As I watched (and maybe had to wipe the ash from my face) I thought, "What is it about those fireworks that makes the sparkle ones so exceptional?" In my reflective mood, I thought about how there are thousands of tiny pieces of the fireworks that catch the energy from the initial explosion and then ignite to create the light and the sparkle. Consequentially, that causes those fireworks to last so much longer than the other ones.

I can't help but draw a parallel from those fireworks to our society. Right now we have a ton of fireworks that draw our attention. From Obamacare to church shootings to confederate flags to homosexuality...there are so many things looking to draw our attention and create a divide amongst our country right now. But the fireworks that last and actually make a difference in our lives are the ones that see the goodness and the kindness in our society. While they may not make the front page or the top of the news, they are the stories that actually pierce our hearts and cause us to aspire to be better versions of ourselves.

So amongst all those that have expressed despair for the future of our country, I actually have hope in our America. I believe that God is bringing up a generation of people my age that have caught the initial spark of the gospel and are propelled to make a change where God has planted them. That obedience, grace and love causes them to spark and make a difference in the lives of those around them, who therefore also catch the spark. God is creating a huge firework, the kind that lingers long after the others, and spreads the good news of love and redemption.

We may be in a backwards trend of the spiral right now. Trust me, I know it's NOT pretty. But I have hope. I refuse to give in to the idea that we are beyond repair. America was built on hope and it will only fail when hope in something better is lost by the people that live here. It's a hard road to travel. These days the road seems pretty tough. But if we do not give up, we will be that shining light on a hill the Bible talks about.

We will be a huge firework signaling freedom to everyone in the world looking for it.

So my question is, what spark is God calling you to be?

Say something, I'm giving up.

It's after midnight and I can't fall asleep. I didn't even have hot chocolate or anything with caffeine in it. Instead, I have a song stuck in my head. And after an hour of learning it on the guitar trying to get it all out, it's still eating at me. GT English critical reading essays have ruined me for life I think. So you all get a treat of my insomniac critical essay on the song stuck in my head.

But I think you will like it.

The song in question is called "Say Something," by A Great Big World. It's a beautiful yet slightly haunting melody that I just can't get enough of.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.Immediately, I see two people, not unlike Jared and myself, who are at the end of a particularly frustrating argument. If it's me singing it, it's probably because I've done all the talking and I'm just yearning for him to engage. I'll be his girl, if he wants it. I will follow him anywhere, just like I have in the past. But I need that connection. I need him to talk with me.

And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

Here we see expectations meeting reality. The enormity of the anger, frustration, sadness and loneliness in the relationship is causing me to feel so incapable of solving it. I had expectations of love, but I obviously was naive to think that it would be like what I expected.

But hey. I realize I'm going to mess up. This is my first (and hopefully only) marriage. I'm going to mess up. Just like a toddler, I have to learn to walk before I can run.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.

When I feel like I'm getting no response, my corresponding reaction is that I can't communicate with you. My feelings are not getting heard, just causing more pain, more grief, more doubt that I could ever help make this work. So instead of getting hurt more, I'm just going to say goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...

And yet, even after all the hurt, all the anguish, I repeat myself just one last time. I still hold out hope that I can somehow, someway, get a positive response...

While I relate to this song on a level in my marriage primarily, I've been thinking that this is much like my friendships sometimes. I'd venture to say, this pops up in almost any relationship of any sort. People we love sometimes don't realize how much we crave their interaction, their affection or their support in our lives and we just cry out in angst for someone to say something, anything, where we don't feel alone. It can be heightened by social media, where we can have so many "friends" yet feel so alone at home.

But as Christmas rolls around and it heightens our sensitivity to our social relationships, I think this song touches a much deeper level of need that people are seeking. In reality, we are looking for unconditional love. Yet, we are seeking it from humans whom are incapable of it.

Now we have all heard that God loves us. But it's a ton easier to believe that God exists rather than believe that an all powerful being cares about me and my going-ons personally. It's hard to believe that he cares about my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. It's hard to believe that he's as interested in hearing about my day at work as he is about orphans in Africa.

But that's the truth. And yet, sometimes it's so hard to feel that love. It's so hard to feel it and believe it, especially in the hardest and most painful circumstances. It's at that point that we yell out, "Say something!" to God, hoping that we get a burning bush or a parting of the sea to show us his power. We doubt. We say I would have followed you. Yet because I cannot feel you or see any inkling of your interaction with me, I'm giving up on you.

Maybe you have had this kind of interaction with God. Now, Christmas is just a reminder of that struggle with God and the feelings of being alone. But what you have to realize is that during a storm, all you can see are the clouds and the thunder and lightning. It gets really dark and dangerous as the storm builds and starts dumping water everywhere.

When I went running the other day, it was raining at the beginning. But after an hour or so of running through the rain and the cold, the rain stopped, the clouds moved and the sun came out. That got me thinking. Just because it's storming doesn't mean the sun isn't there. It's just hidden. Get in a plane (if it's safe) and pop up through the clouds and it's there. Shining as ever, giving a warm glow. In a life storm, all you may see are the dark and rainy parts. The lighting may frighten you and the thunder may be loud, but God's still there, behind the storm. He will never leave you. The song we may sing in our anguish is, thankfully, not his song.

His song can be found in 2 Timothy chapter 2:
"If we died with him, we will also live with him.
If we endure, we will also reign with him.
If we deny him, he will also deny us.
If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, since he cannot deny himself."

God will always remain faithful, even if we say goodbye to him due to our unbelief. He is love. He is grace. He came to Earth on Christmas to bring you hope that you are not alone in the storm. You are not alone in your struggle or your anguish. You do not have the bear the burdens of your destructive behavior you have now. God came to give himself as a gift to the world. It's like a present under the tree. It's been paid for and wrapped, all you have to do is accept it for your own.

If Jesus were to rewrite some of this song, I think he would say
Say something, I'm coming to you.
I love you and I give my life for you.
Anywhere, I'm always with you.
Say something, yet I'm not giving up on you.

Moses and Me

So I have had several awesome things happen over the last couple of days that I really wanted to share with you all! I mentioned in my last post that I was dealing with a ton of doubt. Doubt about myself, Redeemed, church, EVERYTHING it seemed. I was in a funk and having a hard time shaking it.

Well, I've had some great conversations with people. God's been connecting a ton of dots. It would take a long time to explain everything that has happened but God is opening small doors and providing hopeful avenues even when it seems there is no way.

The last few days I've been focusing on waiting and prayer. These are probably some of the hardest things for me to do! I'm a goal oriented, step by step process kind of girl! To not work and just wait for God and to talk to what I sometimes feel is thin air are two things that do not come to mind with someone like me who feels she needs to be doing something in order to feel like she's going somewhere. But, I've been learning a ton about prayer and hoping to get closet to God and on the same page. Not only am I asking him to change me into a person where I can listen better and trust better, but I'm praying that he make the paths for Redeemed straight and the barriers to be removed.

But it's been SLOW!

At the women's conference Monday where Redeemed was blessed with a table, I was able to sit in on the sessions. There, the speaker talked about waiting and she quoted 2 Peter 3:9

"The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."

I was like, "Ok, God. I feel like I am easy to lose hope in you. I easily try to do things myself because I don't feel you working. Help me in my unbelief. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I have doubt."

Today rolls around and I went for my run this morning. I listened to Breakaway Ministries where Ben Stewart talked about Moses and talking to the Pharaoh about letting the Israelites free. I realized that God had the power to defeat the Egyptians in one fell swoop. He could have done more supernatural plagues. Why would he tell Pharaoh that the judgement was coming? Why did he remove the plagues when Pharaoh asked? Why didn't he just skip to number 10 if that was what was going to set his people free?

I realized that God uses this pattern with the Israelites too in the prophets of the Bible. He constantly declared judgement and then deferred it when the people turned back to him. It wasn't until they had utterly renounced God that he gave them over to the Babylonians. If you look at God then, he was trying to be merciful to his people. He was trying to get them to repent of their ways and extend them grace. But notice that he never gave up on them. He rescued them from their bondage again and ultimately sent Jesus to save them forever.

If you look at the Pharaoh in that light, I believe that God was also attempting to show mercy to the Egyptians. Ben Stewart talked about how he knew that the "goings on" in Egypt were spread to the entire countryside and he wanted to make his name known. Not in an egotistical way, but because he knew he was what they needed.

God dragged out the process, which I know what frustrating for Moses and the Israelites. But the Bible says that a multitude went with the Israelites out of Egypt and I'm 90% certain that many Egyptians believed in God due to the plagues and went with the Israelites out of Egypt. God's name went out so far that even a prostitute named Rahab had heard of the God of the Israelites before they even arrived at the city walls. God's name went out so far, that centuries later, many who aren't even Christian know this story and can watch it in cartoon form in the "Prince of Egypt."

As I look at this and try to free people in my own culture, some obvious parallels occur. I feel like God is giving me the worst pep talk of the century. He's like, "I've put it on your heart to free these people, but you are going to encounter all these issues along the way." I'm starting to imagine what Moses felt like when God said, "Go tell Pharaoh to let my people go, but I'm going to harden his heart."

However, I believe that if God wanted to, he could free all the men, women and children being trafficked in the world this very instant. He has the power to do that. However, just like he has done for centuries, God likes to use people. It's his favorite medium to work with. God begins with relationships and even though I feel like he's dragging out the process and time is of the essence so no one has to be trafficked ever again, I believe God has a purpose. I believe he has a plan. I believe his name is going to be glorified because of the abolition of trafficking and I pray, that many see this work and accept his graceful love.

Am I frustrated? Yes. Am I patient? Not really. But do I trust?

Absolutely. Because he is faithful, even in my doubt.

Authentic Contentment

Hello everyone! It's been an amazing week and weekend so far!

Last weekend I got to run another race with my parents..the Rhar and Sons Oktoberfest 5K! While I couldn't drink the beer due to my food allergy, I still had tons of fun with my parents and set a PR for my 5K!

Mom and I before the race!

Right before the start!

Post Race Festivities!

I finally (officially!) PR'ed my 5K at 29:54.6!

Now, one thing I want to make sure gets across, is that it's easy to look at someone who's achieved a ton of their goals (especially all at once) and say, "Wow. It's great you can do that. You are superwomen! I can't do what you do."

And if that's what you have to say, then I have failed as the goal of my blog. This blog isn't to show off to the world about my running. I'm not that good in the first place! But what I hope you see is someone who was challenged, set goals, and worked step by step to meet them. I had two major milestones this past week that had me on cloud nine. But they have been milestones months in the making. A year and a month if you want to be exact! I am a normal, messed up human being with sin and trials and, thankfully, a Savior. I couldn't run 30 seconds at the beginning of this journey. I hope you see my writing as an authentic representation of what God is teaching me, and I hope He is using it to encourage and challenge you to be in His presence, in His love. Without him none of this is possible.

Something along the same lines that I have learned from it all, is that while I set goals and strive to achieve them, I have actually learned how to live in the moment. I have learned to enjoy the journey. I don't run and pine or worry over the ability to run a marathon. I simply say, "This is what I can do today, and it's the next step to get me where I need to be tomorrow." I've been able to spend some quality time with God on my long runs. I've learned to worship him even if my legs are screaming and some of my most treasured moments with him have been while I'm alone running through his creation. I've learned that God has me right where I need to be no matter what the circumstances and I am content in that!

So with that said, here's to another round of training. This one leads to my BIG goal, the one I've been working toward for 13 months. The Walt Disney World Marathon!

Here we go!

Plano Balloon Festival Half Marathon

Hello everyone! Yesterday I had the most amazing time racing with my parents at the Plano Balloon Festival! You can relive my race with me in the video below!



Plano Half Marathon from Madelyn on Vimeo.

It was a great race. Several things factored into making it my best race ever:

1) We had our first cold front move in through Texas! The morning was just cold enough without too much rise in the heat at the end of the race. My hard training this summer in the heat really helped me be able to push hard in the ladder miles so that I was hitting negative splits. My last mile was my fastest!

2) I was racing with my family! Dad and I passed each other a ton and ran the middle of the race together. He was staying steady while I was having my middle-of-the-race slump and he kept pushing me to keep my pace up!

3) I worked on my speed. This training cycle, I spent one run a week working specifically on speed. I worked on pushing my lactate threshold back as well as learning to run on tired legs. I think working on my fast finish training runs really gave me the "umph" I needed at the end!

4) I learned from my last race to not drink as much water! All the sloshing around in my stomach was causing me cramps. Also, I remembered to fuel early and often. I didn't hit the wall in this race because I found Cliff Shot Blocks (which I love so much) to fuel my race!

5) I have the best family and friends! The constant cheering from my Nike +, the love I knew I had during training and the promise of getting to Skype with Jared at the end really contributed to the race day magic. Thank you so much for your support and love for me as I have gone through this journey!

6) The last, yet probably most important, was the special time with God I have gotten during my training. I have had moments where I have just been able to worship him during my runs and unplug long enough to spend quality time with him. You might think I'm weird, but it's true. God has shown me through running I am more capable than I thought and can do more than I could have ever imagined. He doesn't put limits on how he can use me, I do.

Put this all together and I was able to run the entire 13.1 miles without walking, a feat I have never accomplished before. Even on my previous long runs, I take numerous walk breaks to drink Gatorade or eat. Not this time! I ran and ate and everything! I felt so good, so prepped, that when I slowed to drink a tiny sip of water at mile 12, my legs were like, "What's this walking thing you speak of? We don't like it!" I hit my pace goal of being in the vicinity of two and a half hours with a final time of 2:33. I think I could have gotten a  faster time if I would have really been serious about running the tangents.

But you know, that's learning for the next race. :)

Next stop: Disney!

When God and Passion Collide

So this morning I got a rare opportunity. I got to combine my love for running with outreach for my church.

It created itself out of a random conversation with my boss. He planned an outreach event for Saturday morning. I plan my long runs on Saturday morning. I told him about it, he said run while you are at the event. So I did!

I took a handful of flyers. After everything was set up at the park for the kids, I started down the road towards White Rock Lake.

People were sparse on the first two miles. I guess they were all watching Saturday morning cartoons. But as I came up on the road to the lake, there were TONS of people. I'm always scared to start up a seemingly random conversation. Plus, I didn't think about the fact that runners were going to have to stick my invitation somewhere or carry it in their hand. Some rejected my invite on the excuse they didn't want to carry it, but hey...once the first rejection was over and I didn't die, I got more confident and bold. I talked to a couple of guys running ahead of me, several couples and moms walking their babies in their ginormous strollers. The conversations were short, but powerful. So here's my short yet powerful takeaway.

We go through life and we seem busy. So much to do and so little time! But if we take a second and look around at the amount of people running along side us in the same neighborhoods, we have an amazing opportunity to just take a chance and invite them to experience the only institution Jesus established on Earth: the church. Jesus had the audacity to look up when he was busy in the middle of a crowd and see Zacchaeus. Jesus invited himself over for crying out loud (culture shock!) and life change happened.

Some people at my church are good at preaching the Word of God. Some are good at music. There are others that are good at lights, welcoming people, inviting people, taking care of kids, organizing things, making food. These are all good things, but the aggregate component of our parts as a church don't make life change happen. We can have the best people for all these things and not have a single person come to Christ. But if we put God in the equation, then the aggregate parts come together as a whole and supernaturally cause people to come to Christ and eternities are changed forever.

I'm good at running and getting better at screwing up the courage to talk to random people. I had way more rejections than people accepting the invites. Jesus warned that would happen though! (Mark 4) However, I have complete faith that Jesus will take those tiny conversations I had and turn them into life change, some way or another.

My question is, what has God called you to do at your church and are you doing it to the best of your ability? You can have faith with your gift too and I dare you to use it and watch God make it bigger and better than you could have dreamed.

Love Wins

I have had the most draining, excruciating, gut-wrenching couple of weeks. If you have ever looked at your life and wondered why it seems like it’s always one thing after another, you understand how I feel.

I was all excited to go to College Station with Jared on Monday, when I got a call from Jared’s dad that one of his uncles died unexpectedly the night before. It was an uncle Jared was close to; one he grew up with, a fellow pilot and runner in the family. With that news my week saw me very anxious about telling Jared at the right time along with coordinating schedules, hotels and flights. I was so excited to see that side of the family, but got anxious about planning, making sure I had food I could eat, and making sure we planned for every possible scenario that could happen with Jared’s schedule.

But then, our worst scenario became reality. Jared got called in straight for New York. We had to leave the family early. I had to leave Jared early, without a ton of time to actually just be with him. I had to deal with my expectations for this week being so different than reality. I had to navigate the grief I feel for my family, the stresses of my work, the demands and drama of those I volunteer with/for and the sadness of Jared being gone and NOT getting to fly.

I wrote a blog a couple of days ago. It was very angry. I wrote about how I was upset that I had been at so many funerals and not many weddings. I was trying to figure out why that was. I saved it thinking I’d post it the following morning. But when I woke up, it didn’t sit right with me to post it.

I was blaming others for what was going on in my life. I was blaming my circumstances, my jobs and my perceived lack of support system. I was blaming others and how their choices were affecting me.

But to be honest, awful stuff happens. We live in a world, soaked in sin. People’s choices affect those around them all day every day, including my actions.

But, as Jared and I work together through his work schedule, things seem to get better and better. As I talk with my parents and friends and they pray for me and my work, I get the strength to do what needs to get done. And as I stood up to exit at the end of the funeral Saturday, and looked back at the hundreds of people who had showed up because they loved Jared’s uncle, I was awed.

Jared and I love each other enough to be committed, even when we have doubts about our marriage, our career choices and our future. My friends and family love me enough to listen to me vent and pray for me through the times I need it the most. And Uncle Cliff’s love for those around him brought hundreds to celebrate his life to show that God’s love through Uncle Cliff touched more lives than we knew.

I know life gets hard for all of us. We have seasons where things seem dark and dry. We don’t feel God close to us. We feel isolated from those around us as we think, “Who could possibly understand what we are going through?” We are tempted to give up, because we wonder who cares about our seemingly wasted efforts to bring life and love into such a broken world.

But we must remember that just because we can’t feel God close doesn’t mean he’s not there. Just because things are dark doesn’t mean they will be dark forever. You are not alone! God is with you and has placed people around you to go through this season with you. Our efforts are not wasted. They are seeds to bring glory to God in the perfect moment. Hold onto that as you go through whatever you have going on right now. You are loved by the one who created love.

And I read the end of the book. Love wins!

The Value of Hard Work

Hi everyone! It's been a busy week! I however, successfully managed to get work done and make it to Houston for our leadership summit and make in back in one piece after having car issues with the hubby's truck!

Earlier this week, driving to work, Jared and I listened to a podcast by Breakaway Ministries where Ben Stuart talks about the value of hard work. It's been a theme let me say. Jared and I have had several conversations about our generation and how if something gets hard without instantaneous results, people give up and move on to something else. It's very rare that we come across somebody who puts in the work day in and day out to get to the goal they have set for themselves. Ben talks about this phenomena in our generation in the podcast and it was something that came up on my run today.

It's been a hot summer. I've found it frustrating to run this summer as my paces have significantly decreased and I find myself walking a good deal more on my runs than I would like. I know this is normal. But I tend to get discouraged when I feel like I can't run like I used to just a few months ago. I've held on to the fact that if I put in the work this summer, it will pay off in the fall when temperatures get a bit cooler. If I push my endurance and my speed relative to how hot it is, it will definitely be rewarded in the fall and winter months where it counts (hello marathon!).

Today, it rained all day. I was so excited when my car said it was 75 degrees outside on my way home! I didn't even need a nap after church. I ate lunch with the parents, did a couple of things necessary for work and Duchess and I went on a glorious run through the park in the rain. It was so nice! I was able to run faster than I did pre-summer at a consistent 11'02"/mi AND I increased my pace from to a 9'40"/mi pace on the last mile! I was so happy! I didn't have to wait until fall to see the results of my hard work this summer. Today I got a glimpse of what I'm accomplishing even if I can't see it hot Texas day by hot Texas day.

You may be in a situation at work, with a friend, on a project, losing weight, anything where you are putting in time and effort and you don't see results. There is change, but sometimes, it is too small for you to notice. If I lose 0.14 pounds every day, then in a year I will have lost 52 pounds. However, I may not notice the change on a day to day basis. Only if I look at pictures of myself three months down the road verses when I started will I realize the amount of change in my body! I want to encourage you, whatever work you are putting in will pay off if God is in the mix. Pray about it, see if you are in the place God wants you to be. Then if the answer is yes, trust that if you put in the work, God will bless it!

"My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything."

James 1:2-4

Too busy to run...or am I?

Good morning everyone! I hope you all slept well and are beginning to enjoy the weekend before the 4th!

This morning I woke up and the first thought in my head was, "Ugg." That pretty much summed up how I felt this morning. Problem is, I had a bunch of things to do this morning, including a long seven mile run. That was pretty much the last think I wanted to do this morning.

I gave myself a ton of excuses to not go. I've been really good with my running schedule this week. I am tired. I had a ton going on this weekend already. I never gave myself a reason to go.

But I ended up going anyways. And when I returned to the house at the halfway point to drop off the dog, I managed to get past my excuses and go back out to finish the last three miles.

And as I'm running, I was like, "What got me out here in the early Texas heat?"

I really can't give you an answer on why I went. I can't give you a reason on why I finished. So the only answer I can think of is, habit.

Whaaaaaa?

Yes, I believe running has become a habit to me now. I just went and did it, Nike swoosh style. Yes I'm busy. I work part time, help my mom with jobs around the house on the side and run a ministry. I don't have a ton of time. But I am proof that if you do something with dedication over a long period of time, you will make it habit and it will soon become a staple in your lifestyle. This goes for working, reading your Bible, eating healthy, being intentional in communicating with family and friends, anything!

Now excuse me while I sit on the couch doing nothing until I have to go into work!

Life it What You Make It

Hi everyone. I'm sorry it's been a few days but I've thankfully been busy learning about psychology (go figure) for trauma and then I made a super quick, morale boosting trip to Dallas. It was perfect. I got to spend some quality time with my brother, mom and of course, Jared and it really gave me the spark I needed to keep going this week with a ton of motivation!

Which brings me to my title of this blog, "Life is What You Make It." Hopefully you know me well enough by now to know that this has nothing to do with us being in control of our life. God is the one who places our footsteps down the right path and shows us where to go. He knows best. But what we can choose is to go willingly, or fight him every step of the way. I look back on my time since high school and how I made choices based on prayer and faith and God has worked miracles in my life. They say hindsight is 20/20 and my hindsight shows me that God is in control and He has better plans that I could have ever dreamed of. We can either enjoy the journey and lean on him, or we can moan and complain and fight with him the whole way. Whichever way it works out, we will eventually know that He is God.

"Outside The Lines" by Hawk Nelson

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,
oh oh oh, oh oh oh
I had two left feet and dreams to spare,
And I knew I talked too much.
But my dad said, "You'll go anywhere,
If you just tell the truth with a song."
Well, I wasn't sure how this could turn out right, oh
But he looked straight into my eyes and said,
"Don't worry, you'll do just fine.
Our God is working all of the time.
And when the sun comes up,
You'll see He paints outside the lines.
He paints outside the lines."
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
I guess somehow, somewhere, I grew up,
But I'm still that kid at heart.
Oh, my girl laughs when I'm serious
Don't got much money, but baby, we've got trust
I'm not alway sure if this will turn out right, oh
But she looks straight into my eyes and says,
"Don't worry, we'll be just fine.
Our God is working all of the time.
And when the sun comes up,
You'll see He paints outside the lines.
He paints outside the lines."
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Someday, we'll walk our kids down to the street, oh
We'll send them off with all our hopes and dreams, oh
When they're not sure how this could turn out right, oh
I'll look straight into their eyes and say,
"Don't worry, you'll do just fine.
Our God is working all of the time.
And when the sun comes up,
You'll see He paints outside the lines.
He paints outside the lines."
I'll say, "Don't worry, we'll be just fine.
Our God is working all of the time.
And when the sun comes up,
we'll see He paints outside the lines.
He paints outside the lines."
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,
oh oh oh, oh oh oh

I'm Struggling

Hi. My name is Madelyn and I'm struggling.

I know most of you are there probably are too. I deal with a ton of stuff at different times but here's what I've got going on now.

Jared is at training. I am super excited for him. I've watched him work for five years to get to this point in his life where he can finally put on a uniform and fly the planes I have seen him watch with longing as they fly over head. He has a ton of work ahead of him, but I have the confidence that he will do great.

Me on the other hand, am still stuck back home. Alone. I need to finish out a few things before we move. Problem is, until tomorrow, I haven't had anything planned. So I was put in a situation where I basically sit at home finishing a few projects and errands around the house before I go back and go to work.

Thursday was great. I had a ton of errands to run and things planned to do. I was motivated and kept myself busy and was able to be productive. Friday was a struggle but I managed to clean the apartment and get some packing done. Today, it's becoming unbearable. I have very little motivation to do anything and I am on the verge of crying for no reason while sitting in front of the TV.

Now don't get me wrong. I didn't just sit on my bottom all morning. I went and ran for two hours. I covered nine miles. It was tough. However, it was the mental strain more than the physical one that is really setting me back. I actually think it is running that is putting me into such a funk. It's such a flip flop from the usual endorphin kick I get from running.

Thursdays are usually a great running day for me. I have PR'ed my 5K for two weeks in a row on Thursdays. Last Thursday however, I walked a ton more because I realized I was lonely. Running started as a thing I was doing for myself. It turned into a journey I was taking along with my husband. Running on his favorite trail alone really crushed my spirit. It's taking a lot for me to admit that.

So today. I first of all, woke up early, which is a miracle for me. Secondly, I made it to the park and started. Miracle number two. I acknowledge that I did something amazing. I went further than I had ever run before and I ran longer than I had ever run before. Yet I am still disappointed in myself because I allowed myself to walk almost the entire 8th mile. I almost never walk when I train. I realized that when I feel tired or want to walk, I keep going because I feel like I'm chasing Jared. He is so much faster and stronger than me when it comes to running and I don't want to let him get too far ahead of me. Call me competitive but running is something we do together and it has brought us closer together. He inspires me to keep going when my body tells me, "quit." Today I didn't have that and when I felt tired or fatigued I didn't push myself. I feel like I let myself down because I know I'm capable of much more.

Parallel that to life and I feel like I'm letting myself down today because I spent two hours in front of the TV being absolutely unproductive. I have no motivation to do anything. Being alone and having nothing to work towards has really got me depressed. All I really do is want to sleep.

But you know what? If I allowed myself to just sit here and cry and mope, would I get any better? Heck no. Before Jared left he made me a blanket. Yes ladies and gentlemen. He learned how to use a sewing machine and made me the most simple yet amazing blanket to snuggle with when he is gone. And I thank the Lord for this because he gave me some of my own medicine for times just like this. He wrote verses on it for me that he knows are my favorite. One happens to be the verse that got me really on track with God in the first place back in my sophomore year of college.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind."
~ 2 Timothy 1:7

I've struggled with fear a ton, but right now I feel like I'm struggling with the sound mind part! I have this self destructive pattern of depression when I spend too much time by myself. I allow things to just get dirty and cluttered around me, I don't eat right, I spend way too much time watching TV and I never actually make a difference for the kingdom of God. What I am lacking, is a vision.

When people talk about visions, in my living sphere, they are talking about a vision of a church, or a ministry. But honestly, our lives themselves are a ministry and we need to have a vision for our lives too. People might confuse visions with goals, but visions are more than a goal. A vision never changes in the course of your life. Goals are written and achieved but a vision is an overarching reason to why we do what we do no matter what part of your life you are talking about. Jared and I have a vision for our marriage. We wrote it on our first wedding anniversary.

"To love God, love one another, and lead by example, showing Christ's love to those around us, in words, actions and character, so that others may find Him in us and through us."

I read that and it gives me so much peace to know that God gave me a man that leads me with that vision in mind! But before you go, "I could never come up with something like that to write" as much as I love our vision, it's really not that original. You can have a vision too. Let me explain.

The idea of having a personal vision is something I've heard as a theme in the teachings that I have been listening and reading for the past week now. I've heard people talk about Proverbs 29:18a, "When there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint," and when I think about the Old Testament, this is true! The Israeli nation would remember God's word and hold to it and things would be great. Then when they turned away they fell into captivity. But when Jesus came He came to fulfill the law, not condemn us by it. He came so that we would be able to have a relationship with Him and because of our relationship, we could understand and practice the foundational teachings the law gives us and therefore, live a life the way God designed it. What I think people don't realize is that Jesus gave us a vision to us when we left the Earth. A vision that we can personally apply to our lives that will never change no matter what stage in life you are living.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And remember,  I am with you  always, to the end of the age.”

~ Matthew 28:19-20 

And now many of you are going, "Maddie, really? The great commission? Isn't that a little old fashioned, VBS, kumbayah around the church campfire idealistic? How can we all travel to the ends of the earth being missionaries who don't make any money and expect to reach everyone?" And I'd say, yea. Sure. You are right in one sense, but wrong in another. However, if we think about it correctly, I think it can be very powerful.

I don't care if you travel all the way to Africa from Odessa, TX or never leave your condo in Miami. We are placed in a city, in a job, in a group of friends, in a gym class, in a bar, in wherever to show the love of Christ to those whom God is seeking (read: EVERYONE). Honestly, I think it's harder to witness in a corporate meeting in America than it is to go on a mission trip. Just saying. 

I started this blog to be an example of how God challenged me to see that I am more capable that I think I am. That I can handle all He has called me to be. I don't need to worry about the how. I don't need to go travel all over the world (although I want to haha). I just need to be obedient and faithful and have my vision at the forefront of my mind at all times. When I run past some bikers, or fellow runners or just someone having a picnic, I can say "Good morning!" If this is true and my God is who I say He is, that simple gesture can have a big impact! Even if I'm struggling now, I can always hold on to the hope and the love that my Savior has for me and show that to the world. And see? Now that I'm writing about it I'm already feeling better!

To end. As I've grown older one of my favorite passages in the Bible has been from Isaiah 40. It is the root of my inspiration to run and my vision for my life. I serve an awesome God and I hope that as I continue to run through the difficult times, you can see how much I love Him because of how much He loves us. 

The Lord Returns to Jerusalem

40:1 “Comfort, comfort my people,”

says your¹ God.

40:2 “Speak kindly to² Jerusalem,³ and tell her

that her time of warfare is over,⁴

that her punishment is completed.⁵

For the Lord has made her pay double⁶ for all her sins.”

40:3 A voice cries out,

“In the wilderness clear a way for the Lord;

construct in the desert a road for our God.

40:4 Every valley must be elevated,

and every mountain and hill leveled.

The rough terrain will become a level plain,

the rugged landscape a wide valley.

40:5 The splendor⁷ of the Lord will be revealed,

and all people⁸ will see it at the same time.

For⁹ the Lord has decreed it.”¹⁰

40:6 A voice says, “Cry out!”

Another asks,¹¹ “What should I cry out?”

The first voice responds:¹² “All people are like grass,¹³

and all their promises¹⁴ are like the flowers in the field.

40:7 The grass dries up,

the flowers wither,

when the wind sent by the Lord¹⁵ blows on them.

Surely humanity¹⁶ is like grass.

40:8 The grass dries up,

the flowers wither,

but the decree of our God is forever reliable.”¹⁷

40:9 Go up on a high mountain, O herald Zion!

Shout out loudly, O herald Jerusalem!¹⁸

Shout, don’t be afraid!

Say to the towns of Judah,

“Here is your God!”

40:10 Look, the sovereign Lord comes as a victorious warrior;¹⁹

his military power establishes his rule.²⁰

Look, his reward is with him;

his prize goes before him.²¹

40:11 Like a shepherd he tends his flock;

he gathers up the lambs with his arm;

he carries them close to his heart;²²

he leads the ewes along.

The Lord is Incomparable

40:12 Who has measured out the waters²³ in the hollow of his hand,

or carefully²⁴ measured the sky,²⁵

or carefully weighed²⁶ the soil of the earth,

or weighed the mountains in a balance,

or the hills on scales?²⁷

40:13 Who comprehends²⁸ the mind²⁹ of the Lord,

or gives him instruction as his counselor?³⁰

40:14 From whom does he receive directions?³¹

Who³² teaches him the correct way to do things,³³

or imparts knowledge to him,

or instructs him in skillful design?³⁴

40:15 Look, the nations are like a drop in a bucket;

they are regarded as dust on the scales.

He lifts³⁵ the coastlands³⁶ as if they were dust.

40:16 Not even Lebanon could supply enough firewood for a sacrifice;³⁷

its wild animals would not provide enough burnt offerings.³⁸

40:17 All the nations are insignificant before him;

they are regarded as absolutely nothing.³⁹

40:18 To whom can you compare God?

To what image can you liken him?

40:19 A craftsman casts⁴⁰ an idol;

a metalsmith overlays it with gold

and forges silver chains for it.

40:20 To make a contribution one selects wood that will not rot;⁴¹

he then seeks a skilled craftsman

to make⁴² an idol that will not fall over.

40:21 Do you not know?

Do you not hear?

Has it not been told to you since the very beginning?

Have you not understood from the time the earth’s foundations were made?

40:22 He is the one who sits on the earth’s horizon;⁴³

its inhabitants are like grasshoppers before him.⁴⁴

He is the one who stretches out the sky like a thin curtain,⁴⁵

and spreads it out⁴⁶ like a pitched tent.⁴⁷

40:23 He is the one who reduces rulers to nothing;

he makes the earth’s leaders insignificant.

40:24 Indeed, they are barely planted;

yes, they are barely sown;

yes, they barely take root in the earth,

and then he blows on them, causing them to dry up,

and the wind carries them away like straw.

40:25 “To whom can you compare me? Whom do I resemble?”

says the Holy One.⁴⁸

40:26 Look up at the sky!⁴⁹

Who created all these heavenly lights?⁵⁰

He is the one who leads out their ranks;⁵¹

he calls them all by name.

Because of his absolute power and awesome strength,

not one of them is missing.

40:27 Why do you say, Jacob,

Why do you say, Israel,

“The Lord is not aware of what is happening to me,⁵²

My God is not concerned with my vindication”?⁵³

40:28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is an eternal God,

the creator of the whole earth.⁵⁴

He does not get tired or weary;

there is no limit to his wisdom.⁵⁵

40:29 He gives strength to those who are tired;

to the ones who lack power, he gives renewed energy.

40:30 Even youths get tired and weary;

even strong young men clumsily stumble.⁵⁶

40:31 But those who wait for the Lord’s help⁵⁷ find renewed strength;

they rise up as if they had eagles’ wings,⁵⁸

they run without growing weary,

they walk without getting tired.

Musings

Hello everyone. Happy Monday (and yes, that is a legitimate thing to say. You CAN be happy on a Monday)!

I am lacking in any one big thing to share so I instead, am going to expound on a couple of small things I've had rolling around in my head. I hope they help you. :)

1. Life is always going to be crazy. What changes is the type of crazy and how much. What we can do however, is learn to keep it at a minimum or embrace it for it's fullest potential. Take Bilbo Baggins for example. He was offered a choice to sit on his behind in Bag End or to go on a journey. No matter what choice he made, we find out what kind of hobbit he was. But with the latter, we get an inspiring story of perseverance, loyalty and courage that has inspired generations. Imagine the Hobbit if he would have stayed. We would have had a short book and none of the Lord of the Rings.

2. Stop picking at scabs. We go through life and because of the chaos, we get hurt. We get some scabs. For example, I got scratched by a cat at my in law's house and I have a small cut on my arm now. It's been there for a week and now starts to itch. However, if I keep picking at it like I have, it will take even longer to heal much less bleed all over the place. If I do that with my mental or spiritual scars, I keep picking at them, bringing up the raw feelings again by thinking about them a lot, they will take longer to heal and will leave a more lasting scar.

3. What you put in is what you get out. What I eat is going to directly affect my performance while running. What I think about is like food and is going to directly affect my actions. When I feel something, I need to stop and think, "Why am I feeling this." Then pray. Then meditate on God's answer. The most important step is action. Why would I learn something from God and then not put it into action?

4. Don't undervalue hard work. Many people in my generation try to find the easy way to things. What they don't realize is that you often never get to the best things in life by trying to find short cuts. Some of the best places to see in the world require hours spent uncomfortably traveling. Fitness is never achieved through sitting on a couch. Without the hard work, you will never appreciate the end result or learn what you learn along the journey.

5. Don't wait for tomorrow. I just finished teaching my 5th graders who are about to become 6th graders. I had them write down their dreams and aspirations for their lives. Thing is, when you look at what they wrote down (learning a new language, helping people, learning how to take care of animals, becoming a better student, athlete, etc) I was showing them that they don't have to wait until they are "older" to do any of these. God gave them life now and they can make a difference now, no matter their age. Same goes with us. We shouldn't wait for the "opportune moments." It will never come and you will have wasted all that time that you were given.

Then I was looking through my Pinterest and I was reminded about some things that I really loved.

I think this is so true in my marriage. I hope I show Jared that I love him every day.



This is me with my friends. :)


Stop trying to be someone else. God made you, you. No one else! You never know who wants to be you!


Yes!

Our God is amazing. I hope to do this someday! Like...Alaska!

Last day booster...read Romans 5. It's my favorite!

God gave you today so let's make it amazing!

Consistency is Key

Hi everyone! I am coming back from a little "hiatus" from posting because I had a crazy week last week! I had to head out to a funeral last weekend, then fit everything in for work between Monday and Wednesday because Jared and I took our summer vacation early and headed to Boston!

It's ironic that I'm talking about consistency after I haven't been very consistent the last few days on posting. Enjoy the irony.

But today, I went running and I was feeling great. I've lost a few pounds recently (it's like my body finally had an "aha" moment...it helps to count calories too) and I can feel the difference when I run. I feel lighter, faster and dare I say, sleeker when I run. Don't ask me why I describe it that way...it's just the word that comes into my head when I try to describe the feeling!

However, I broke a cardinal rule of running; I started my run way too fast. I wasn't able to hold my pace and each mile just got slower and slower. By the end, I was dying. My stomach was really mad at me and was making me feel it while my legs protested every step of the last two miles (and it was only a four mile run). While I am proud of my mental skills to keep pushing myself, I'm mad at my mental skills for not using my noggin at the BEGINNING of the run. Many times, this is what makes or breaks a runner during a long distance race. They get amped up at the beginning, run with people who are going too fast and then dog it the last part of the race.

What we should do is find the point where we know we can sustain the whole race at that speed. What I've learned from reading Tom Holland's book "The Marathon Method" is the trick with the long distance race isn't who goes the fastest, it's who slows down the least. All I can say is, amen brother. So having a consistent pace where you can run that same pace the entire race is a crucial skill I need to learn in order to have a great race experience.

Consistency is something we need to learn in life too. I have been reading "Mere Christianity." It's my second time through the book and it still never ceases to amaze me the kind of wisdom that comes from C. S. Lewis' mind. He talks about morality as it pertains to an individual person. It's true, that when we see someone do a courageous act, we call them courageous. When we see someone being kind, we label them as a kind person. However, we could be wrong. We don't know the motives behind someone's actions. They could be kind but be doing it for the wrong reasons which would not make them a kind person. The key to having character, to being a just, wise, kind, loving person like God designed us to be, is consistency. When someone chooses to be kind to not just one person, but all the people around them, then they are a kind person. When someone is courageous no matter the situation, we then say they are a courageous person. Time and testing show the true colors of someone. We can't (and shouldn't every) judge someone just based off of one moment of their life. C. S. Lewis gives the example that even a broken clock shows the correct time at least twice a day.

So take a page from James 1:2-4
"My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything."

Let the testing begin. And in the meantime...run. :)

God's Faithfulness

Hi everyone. Today has been one of those days where people tell you it will happen, but you never really expect it in your own life.

Today was the big day of the garage sale. We woke up at 5:30 this morning and headed over to the church. My team and I have been working hard on this garage sale for a month or so now. I honestly have the best team. They have dug into the trenches with me and had my back the whole way. We made it to church by seven, put up signs and started putting things out. People were already looking through stuff and we had barely made it out the door with the first load. It was ridiculous.

There were a few things I would have done differently. Like, I underestimated how much change I needed and we ran out of bags for people to take their stuff in. We could have used more help. We had to rearrange things as the day went on to try to sell them. Whatever. I prayed this morning in the car with Jared before we pulled out of our apartment complex, that we would have tons of people, but they would be spread out over the time we would be open and we would not be overwhelmed. And that's exactly what God did!

As I was watching, we did sell some big ticket items. We sold a ton of toys and clothes. But these things were going at like $0.25. This cute little kid came up with a puzzle and a quarter and set them on the table and then just smiled at us like it was his birthday. So I'm adding things up as the day goes on. I know what I sold just to the church body "pre-sale" and I know how much the vendors paid to set up booths. So I had figured between all that and the stuff that was selling today, I would have around $600 at the end of the day. I was discussing with parents what our next fundraiser would be and when.

We finally put everything away, cleaned up and sat down to count the money. I was only half paying attention as I put tables back in our cafe. Suddenly, one of my team members told me to come over as they counted. I was shocked to watch the small numbers grow, and grow, and grow to suddenly, the total came out to well over $1,000.

This is where the whole, "people tell you it will happen, but you never really expect it in your own life" moment comes. I remember people telling me that if I just kept working for the Lord, no matter how hard or daunting or frustrating it gets, God will bless it. I had worked hard on this garage sale with only the help of my small (but amazing) team and was really wondering if it all was going to be worth it. We had just counted the money and God gave us over double what I had expected. When I realized what God had done and that ALL the kids that had participated had camp paid for, I honestly started crying. I was so overwhelmed.

I don't have the opportunity to come and sit and have coffee with everyone like I want to in life. It's just not physically possible. But to anyone that reads this, this is my encouragement to you (over coffee of course). You may feel in a place where God is silent, where you work tirelessly for him and have nothing to show for it. All I can say is, don't give up. Moses had to run to the desert and hide before he was asked to part the Red Sea. I firmly believe there are seasons in life where God has to teach us things and grow us a bit before we are ready to do the amazing things God has for us. It may seem like a desert at the time, but when you look back you are going to know that it prepared you for the amazing things God does in your life!

"This saying is trustworthy:

If we died with him, we will also live with him.

If we endure, we will also reign with him.

If we deny him, he will also deny us.

If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, since he cannot deny himself."

^{~ 2 Timothy 2:11-13}