Anticipation

How many more days until Disney??????

Happy Halloween! I hope you and your family have fun tonight Trick or Treating together!

I get a little cynical about Halloween because of two things.

1) We avoid death at all costs and then make light of it one month out of the year. I think Halloween is fun to a certain extent. I like dressing up in a costume and carving pumpkins and having parties. But when you have the whole Halloween store on your front yard and bloody handprints on the windows, I think that's a bit too far.

2) The minute the clock chimes midnight and it's November, everyone instantly goes into Christmas mode. Never mind Thanksgiving. We just want to go straight to the holiday where we ask for things to be given of us. This isn't going to be a post ranting about the importance of Thanksgiving (I'll do that post later) but rather, a pontification about why we anticipate Christmas so much. In fact, why do we anticipate things in the first place?

I am definitely in a state of anticipation right now as I count down the days until we get to go to Disney. I'm listening to Disney music, Disney podcasts, watching old Disney videos from past trips (mine as well as others on youtube), making costumes, and my suitcase has been open with all the things I need for the trip resting nicely inside. One minute I'm on a Disney cloud. Next minute, I'm sad because the trip seems so far away still. The push and the pull of emotions brought on by anticipation seems to be killing me, as the saying goes.

So what is it about Disney that gets me all excited and anxious about going? It's the fact that it's a vacation in a place I find joy and I get to share it with some favorite people of mine. It's a guarantee that no matter what we end up enjoying our time together and make memories for a lifetime.

I think this is what the draw is for Christmas too. Although Christmas brings some baggage with family dynamics and those who have experienced loss, it's a time where society seems to be at least trying to be better. We smile at each other. We give gifts. We sing songs about hope and joy. We think about how terrible Mr. Scrooge was and thank goodness those ghosts taught him a lesson! We have random flash mobs in the mall singing Christmas music and bringing magic to normal everyday life. We eat good food and spend time with those we love most.

Let's zoom out even further. What are other things we anticipate besides Disney trips and Christmas? I know for our family, we anticipate when Jared's job will allow him to gain seniority. We anticipate our small business growing. Some might anticipate a certain team winning the Super Bowl (*cough...Cowboys*). Others might anticipate that special someone coming into their lives. Some might be anticipating the new life coming into their family. I know some are anticipating loved ones coming back home.

Anticipation allows us to see what we desire. What is that thing that we are most eagerly awaiting to happen? Point to that, and that is what your heart is chasing after. It's not bad. But if you are not careful, it can lead to bad things. If you allow your emotions then to go like mine waiting for my Disney trip, then your going to be swinging back and forth between cloud nine and hopelessness, wondering if it will ever happen.

Now, the church answer to what we should actually be anticipating is "We should be eagerly awaiting when Jesus is coming back." And yes, while that sounds nice, many of us would go, "Well, sure. But people keep guessing the date wrong and in the meantime..."

So the question is, why is it so hard to get excited about Jesus coming back?

I don't have the answer to that.

I have theories. They range from the fact that I don't have a date for Jesus' return. I'm also pretty sure I will die before that happens. But, again, I don't know that for sure. I also think that part of me is like, "I talk to God every day. It's not like he's in another country and I'm waiting for him to come home." Life doesn't seem so bad that I want him to come and take me away from it. So what's the rush?

This the line of thinking that makes it hard to anticipate Jesus returning like I anticipate Disney. So I'm going to let this question marinate in my own brain. While I already have a passionate love for God and wanting to bring him glory, why is it hard for me to find the emotions to get excited about God coming back? I know it's possible. I've experienced it before. And when I do, how do I integrate my life with that passion for his return?

Fireworks

I honestly sit here inspired tonight. It's been the culmination of a million pondering moments and a million questions all converging at once.

I had the honor tonight to attend a concert in the Botanical Gardens with one of my dearest friends Ashley and her family. Honestly, when I found out I was going to get to hang out with them tonight I was so excited. I love their family and how funny, genuine and hospitable they are. It takes a special kind of people to invite me over to a dinner and cater to my gluten free needs and they did so with flying colors. Literally. Mr. Mark's shirt looked exactly like the American flag when you held up our patriotic napkins to his shirt!

But I guess I should start explaining things a little bit, first starting a few months ago when I attended a training for work. We talked about trauma and how it affects the brain. We like to talk in symbolism to get our points across, naturally. We discussed how trauma affects the brain and how the brain achieved healing. The metaphor that the speaker used was that trauma was not a linear model where we travel in a straight line and get to point B from point A. Rather, it's a spiral model where we start at the bottom. Some times we move forward and other times we move back. But regardless where we are in the spiral, we are always moving up.

This is an important thing to keep in mind when we consider all that has been happening recently.

Personally, I've been under a ton of stress. Between my work with the women I mentor and my personal life, there is a ton going on. I can't elaborate. But let's say the new essential oils I received are definitely helping along side some very long prayer times for my anxiety.

Meanwhile, I couldn't even look at Facebook for a while. I feel like a recent post I saw from Glen Beck summed it up exactly:

Personally, I believe my first citizenship is to God. I am a daughter of the King. He says homosexuality was not a part of his design. So therefore, I believe that if you are living a homosexual lifestyle, you are not living in the will of God. However, God gave us the freedom to make our own choices. That's what makes His love so spectacular; He doesn't force us to love him. So in accordance to my second citizenship to the United States of America, you have the ability to do whatever you chose to do, as long as it doesn't cause me to deviate from my freedom to follow my beliefs in God.

What I do have a problem with is how this, among other decisions, was passed down through our court system. We have a constitution which is the most unique piece of governmental procedure in the world. No one came up with something like this before America. I feel like if we are to really protect freedom to live the way we want to (whether you choose to follow God or not) that monumental document needs to be followed so that everyone has the freedom to live the life they chose.

So meanwhile, I see the hate and the divisiveness that is coming across in social media and I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. I wonder how such a court decision could have happened. Then on top of that, how can we have become a society where if you have a differing opinion than I do, it makes you an enemy that I can never talk to again?

So this Fourth of July, I am very reflective and prayerful as I consider what we are actually celebrating this year. While I'm very disappointed in what has happened in our country recently, I still can't help think about the spiral model of healing. Sometimes we will go forward. Sometimes we will go backward. Yet we will always be going up.

As I watched the fireworks tonight above my hometown, I couldn't help but judge which fireworks I thought were the prettiest. I'm pretty consistent. Ever since I was little I've loved the ones that sparkle and have lots of twinkling lights that linger even after the initial explosion. As I watched (and maybe had to wipe the ash from my face) I thought, "What is it about those fireworks that makes the sparkle ones so exceptional?" In my reflective mood, I thought about how there are thousands of tiny pieces of the fireworks that catch the energy from the initial explosion and then ignite to create the light and the sparkle. Consequentially, that causes those fireworks to last so much longer than the other ones.

I can't help but draw a parallel from those fireworks to our society. Right now we have a ton of fireworks that draw our attention. From Obamacare to church shootings to confederate flags to homosexuality...there are so many things looking to draw our attention and create a divide amongst our country right now. But the fireworks that last and actually make a difference in our lives are the ones that see the goodness and the kindness in our society. While they may not make the front page or the top of the news, they are the stories that actually pierce our hearts and cause us to aspire to be better versions of ourselves.

So amongst all those that have expressed despair for the future of our country, I actually have hope in our America. I believe that God is bringing up a generation of people my age that have caught the initial spark of the gospel and are propelled to make a change where God has planted them. That obedience, grace and love causes them to spark and make a difference in the lives of those around them, who therefore also catch the spark. God is creating a huge firework, the kind that lingers long after the others, and spreads the good news of love and redemption.

We may be in a backwards trend of the spiral right now. Trust me, I know it's NOT pretty. But I have hope. I refuse to give in to the idea that we are beyond repair. America was built on hope and it will only fail when hope in something better is lost by the people that live here. It's a hard road to travel. These days the road seems pretty tough. But if we do not give up, we will be that shining light on a hill the Bible talks about.

We will be a huge firework signaling freedom to everyone in the world looking for it.

So my question is, what spark is God calling you to be?