The Thrill of Adventure

So it's finally summer! I think we will break into the 90s every day now here in North Texas and the sun has finally come out! I am so excited about all that summer brings and the adventures Jared and I have planned.

Speaking of which, some of those adventures include our newest endeavor...backpacking! Jared and I have always been interested in camping. We go all the time. But now, we are finally thinking about putting those fancy backpacks to good use and hitting the trails in the literal middle-of-nowhere.

Physically, this means I will have some different workouts going on. I still plan on running twice a week with my long run being five miles. Then I have a goal of riding my bike at least once a week. The rest of the workouts will focus more on strength in my back and arms so that I don't have to rely on my legs for all the work while hiking with my backpack on.

The biggest thing for me I think is going to be mental. As much as I say I love adventure, I get so anxious before traveling! I get nervous sweats at the airport waiting for planes. I get so anxious trying to plan for the "unknown."

So when thinking about backpacking, there is a ton of fear going on inside my head. When are we going to go? What trails are we going to take? How are we going to fit everything in our bags? What if we can't find a good campsite? What if we get lost? What if we see a bear????

I have been doing some research on fear this week for work. It's very interesting the studies that neuroscientists are conducting these days. One study is actually finding that we are wired as human beings to be optimistic by nature...assume the best about someone or something until proof of the worst. They also talk about how fear bypasses the logical part of the brain and goes straight to the emotional. But logic is how you quiet fear. No one fears a stampede of hippopotami followed by their car getting eaten by a T-rex when they drive on the highway because logic eliminates that possibility. When we see someone that's upset because of fear, we automatically try to help them calm down by using logic. And if we are having a really hard time, we can implement what scientists call "productive paranoia" where we plan for the worst case scenario while hoping for the best.

And that's kind of where I am right now. With my upcoming adventures, I am doing boatloads of research trying to arm myself with the knowledge needed in worst case scenarios (how to deal with a bear), as well as the skills to keep me from getting into worst case scenarios (buy a bear canister and use it appropriately). What's awesome is while I still get nervous about it, I am growing as a person because I am gaining new skills and learning new things about myself and what I am capable of doing.

I think God wants us to use fear, not be controlled by it. He wants us to develop courage, not limit ourselves because of anxiety. He wants us to continue to grow and learn and explore the world he created. So that's why I continue to travel, see new things and meet new people. Ultimately, I know that the best truth I can use against fear is the knowledge that God is in control and he has the ultimate power in any situation.

I recently re-watched an episode of Dr. Who where they search for the alien that might be the reason we as children fear the monster under the bed. But I love what Clara tells the child doctor at the end about fear:

"I know you’re afraid, but being afraid is alright. Because didn’t anybody ever tell you? Fear is a superpower. Fear can make you faster and cleverer and stronger. And one day you’re gonna come back to this barn and on that day you’re going to be very afraid indeed. But that’s okay, because if you’re very wise and very strong fear doesn’t have to make you cruel or cowardly. Fear can make you kind. It doesn’t matter if there’s nothing under the bed or in the dark so long as you know it’s okay to be afraid of it. So listen. If you listen to anything else, listen to this. You’re always gonna be afraid even if you learn to hide it. Fear is like a companion, a constant companion, always there. But that’s okay because fear can bring us together. Fear can bring you home. I’m gonna leave you something just so you’ll always remember. Fear makes companions of us all."

Clara explaining courage to a young boy during the "Listen" episode using a small army figure.

Benchmarks

It has been HOT this summer.

I'm sure you are thinking, "Thanks Captain Obvious. This is Texas."

Well, it's a statement I feel I need to make sure is on the page so that we all have the same starting place!

Because it has been so hot, running has been such a beat down. I feel like all I do is  run slow and drown in my sweat. Especially when I have track days with the training group. The track gets so hot some of the tar literally melts and attaches itself to the bottom of my shoes. Instead of feeling fast, I feel like I'm dragging a bunch of 20 pound dumbbells behind me.

Each of us in our training has splits we are supposed to try to hit while doing our track run. I've been hitting mine even though the heat has been oppressive. So one day when I wasn't going to be able to join my training group and had to do my track session on the treadmill at home, I had to do some math to figure out what settings I was supposed to use on the treadmill to achieve the same speed I do on the track.

I had to redo my math three times because I thought I kept getting it wrong.

I used to run my speed workout according to my McMillin calculator splits it gave me back in February. That translated to my treadmill by running my interval pace at a 6.0 MPH on the treadmill. Now, my math was telling me I can now do my treadmill pace at a 6.5 MPH.

So while I did my math three times using three different methods to get there, I finally concluded that it would be the correct speed. And sure enough, I was able to do it. The last interval was painful, but that's the same as every track workout!

A similar thing happened in my personal life. I've always felt I wasn't good at remembering Bible verses to help other people when they needed them. I've really dedicated myself this year to reading out of my physical Bible and not my electronic one so that I can highlight and comment to myself in the margins. I was hoping that by doing this, I would remember where in the Bible certain stories and verses that meant a ton to me were located. Sure enough, a situation at work called for me to share some encouraging verses to a woman who needed them. Without hesitation, I was able to recall several verses that ended up helping her calm down. I did a little, "hmmm" to myself afterwards. It was the first time I had been able to do that instantaneously.

What's the point to all this? Oftentimes in our Christian walk, we feel like we aren't making any progress. We keep dealing with the same emotions, the same habits, the same struggles and don't feel like we are getting anywhere. However, it's important for us to have "benchmarks" in our lives to see how we have progressed. We need to have an "old self" to compare to in order to see how God is working in our lives.

So as you go throughout your week or month, take stock of things that you do. Whether you are running faster, lifting stronger, being more intentional with relationships or your walk with God, see what you are doing better or what needs improvement. While we have faith that God will change us, it's nice to be able to see measurable progress. It allows us to be able to go back and say, "Wow God!" and ultimately, give him the glory he deserves!

When God Says No

Growing up I always wanted to be an astronaut. My copy of "Flying to the Moon" by Michael Collins has a lot of wear and tear over the years from reading it constantly, only interrupted by homework and dance lessons. I did my research papers on astronauts. My drawings were of space. I remember looking through the telescope with my dad at planets and waking up at 3 AM to watch meteor showers from my backyard. We went to NASA in both Houston and Florida. My living statue assignment was on the Challenger teacher Christa McAuliffe...proof that someone "ordinary" could become an astronaut had the space shuttle actually worked. I watched Star Wars, wondering if I would someday find other planets to live on. I dreamed of becoming the first person on Mars.

But even after all of this, I distinctly remember struggling in math my junior year of high school and praying to God, "Is being an astronaut what you want me to do?" While I never heard a voice, I remember my heart going numb, knowing that wasn't going to be where He was leading me. I was distraught. I didn't know what else I would do.

And then life took it's turns. I didn't get the grades. I struggled with physics. I had my own mental issues to deal with much less think of solving how to get to Mars. My interest in space turned into music, art, biochemistry...more, Earthly things. I still however, catch myself staring up, looking for stars and wondering if someone or something else is looking at our star and dreaming of other planets as well.

When I still catch myself looking up at the stars I keep wondering what was the reasoning God designed my life this way. Honestly, I don't think I will every get the answer to it until I get to heaven. But let's speculate, based on what we know, shall we?

Reasons why I wanted to be an astronaut:
1. I wanted to do what was considered impossible.
2. I wanted to explore new worlds.
3. I wanted to fly a plane.
4. I wanted to be famous and inspire other people.

Do we notice a pattern with all my reasons? They all start with "I." Also, think about this...NASA has been shut down due to budget cuts. There are no missions to space in the exact time frames I would have been looking for a job as an astronaut. Currently they are being used to produce facts about climate change...and we all know how I feel about that...

The Bible says in Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Many people told me this as a kid when I told them the big plans I had for my life. But what they didn't tell me was that it was coupled with Psalm 37:3 "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness." 

While my intentions may have been good in all my reasons to be an astronaut, God wasn't at the center of what I desired. I loved God, and I wanted Him to make me an astronaut. I was viewing God as a cosmic blessing on my plans and my dreams instead of trusting in the Lord and doing good, even when disappointment and chaos reigned in my life. If I had not been faithful with what God was calling me to do, I wouldn't have met my deepest desire...to inspire and help other people to be better versions of themselves. Had I gone down the space path, at least up to this point in my lifetime, my dreams would have been crushed. Meanwhile, God has formed me and shaped me into ministry where I get to work with - and hopefully help people - become better versions of themselves every day with God being the power behind my work. In a way, I am getting to do my original #1 reason I wanted to be an astronaut...I'm doing what most people consider impossible.

While I know it's a limited view right now, it's enough to step back and say, "Wow God, you really had my back on that one." I'm sure it will become more and more evident as time goes on why I'm on this road, but it's enough to look to the sky and say even "if we are faithless, [God] remains faithful - for he cannot deny himself." (2 Timothy 2:13b)

So for now my exploration of space will be limited to the new Star Wars in December and watching the new TV series of "Astronaut Wives." I'll pull the start chart out every once in a while while we are camping and dream other planets from the back of our truck. But on the bright side, God still hasn't closed the door on me learning how to fly a plane. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Goodbye 2014

Hello all my fellow readers!

So today is the day in the blogging world where we go back and reminisce on all that has happened in the last year. I will not be a trail blazer on this one. In fact, I talk about what has happened this year just like everyone else.

Last time I wrote, I was in what I like to call "survival mode." In a time where I was learning new things and adjusting to my new position at our church, I basically had no time and no will to blog. I kinda wanted to...but had no energy and frankly, nothing to say. Last time I talked about watering with salt water and how it may not make sense to us, but ultimately, God is the one who brings the harvest. Usually, he brings it around in a way that makes no sense to us as well.

Well, currently, I haven't seen a ton of harvesting yet. In a time where I talked about focusing on the most important things was getting hard, I lost focus a ton, at least in my opinion. I've allowed to-do lists and deadlines to come before people in many cases and it's not ok. I had a great quiet time a few days ago when I got some rest and realized that I have become quick to judge and quick to frustrate instead of extending grace where I could.  I have always known intellectually that grace and forgiveness costs more to the person giving it instead of the one receiving it. But only now am I truly experiencing it in my heart for the first time. Every time I extend grace I have to let go of the side of me that wants justice. Which, if you know me, justice is the thing I strive for A TON. I have a black and white view of the world and grace messes with that.

But, thankfully, my heart is learning just as much as my brain is. Yesterday, I had a meeting with two very special friends and right when I try to leave work to go meet them, two different men came up to the church asking for help. One was lost and needed directions. The other was looking for money to buy cough syrup for his family who had the flu. Working in downtown Dallas, you get use to the con-artists that come asking for money. But in light of the conversations I've had with God, I knew that this was Him asking me if I was going to blow these men off and not help because I had a meeting to go to, or if I would going to take the time to help and be late to my meeting. Judgemental side of me would have said, "If you weren't prepared, you deserve the consequences and your emergency shouldn't make me late to what I have to do. I'm...after all...a church worker and I have important things to attend to!" But, thankfully, I stopped and realized the situation and took the time to help.

Now I don't say all this as a virtual pat on the back to say "Great job me!" I tell these stories because, in review of 2014, I've had a great year. I ran my first marathon...the culmination of me overcoming a ton of mental and physical struggles I had in 2013. After my marathon, I learned how to deal with my depression that comes as a result of my PTSD. I got the opportunity to work part time at one of the greatest churches in one of the greatest departments. I ran coast to coast with my family in what have become some of my fondest memories. Jared and I were blessed with a house. It's been a phenomenal year. But yet, here at the end, I find myself yearning for more.

I got to have a great conversation with my mother-in-law who is also in ministry and she said something great about New Years Resolutions. Instead of making them about varying bars of success, make them about love. I've been all about varying bars of success recently (aka...how many things on my to do list can I knock off!), but this year I think God is calling me to make it even more about showing love to others. So looking forward, I am hoping to have more encounters like yesterday, with people who need help, and less about my crazy long to do lists. People are what God cares about the most. So I'm going to try to align my heart with his even more.

Happy 2015 everyone. I hope God blesses you and your family beyond your wildest imagination!

So I've recently been out of the loop on blogging. For good reason! It's been a bit of an introspective season of my life. I'm learning to be discreet with my words, including blogging, and not just spewing out dirty laundry whenever I feel like it.

I have been learning something very important though. I have talked about having dreams and longings that God has put deep in my heart. I greatly wish for people to get to know Jesus, especially kids. I long for women who have been broken by he sin of this world to have their hope restored by Him. I long to push myself and do things that I never thought I could in order to push my faith and keep myself constantly depending on God to show me the way.

All these dreams are good and in my eyes, worthy of pursing. I have taken the time to mull them over in my mind. Set up reminders of what my dreams are in my room. I've internalized them and set up my life around them.

But no one told me what happens when you take your dreams from that lofty space in your head and then try to birth them into the world.

The world has humans in it and therefore, is messy.

People either try to tell you your dream isn't good or worth pursuing. "It's a waste of time and talent!" Situations can place obstacles in your way that you have to overcome. There might be people who oppose your dream and directly try to stop it.

But what I've learned is that the important thing about bringing dreams into the world is focus. It's so easy to get caught up in the things that are impeding your dream that you focus on those rather than why you started the process of bringing your dreams into reality. Recently, I had a Sunday at church where everything seemed to be going wrong. While we had a "great" weekend as far as programing and tons of kids, I considered the weekend a miss because I focused on all the things that went wrong instead of pushing on and focusing on connecting to the parent's and kids that God brought to church that morning. I can get so focused on all the things that don't go right, that I forget to do the thing that I came to do in the first place!

This is the mentality that makes or breaks dreams. When I first started running, I thought that I had to follow a training schedule perfectly. And if I missed a workout, then the whole dream was ruined because I didn't do it perfectly. But that's the mentality the devil wants us to have when it comes to furthering the Kingdom of God. God doesn't demand perfection. He just asks for you to bring everything that you have. He then takes your natural and makes it supernatural.

So as you pursue your dreams, whether it be training for a big race or changing the world, don't forget to keep the vision of your dream the focus of your work. Don't get distracted by what isn't going the way you want it to. Simply bring you best, and let God do the rest!

Running. Where do I start?

So Saturdays are usually the days that I go for my long runs! I get a ton of questions on how I started running and how others can start. So I thought every Saturday, I would give little tips for people!

Where better to begin, than the beginning?

First thing you need to decide before you even set out is to have a goal. Some of you, your goal might just to be start running. Great! Get going! Some of you, you might want to lose weight, get healthier or run a race of any distance. Once you have it, write it down! And put it in a place you will see it all the time. This could be on your fridge, or even setting a reminder for the same time every day on your phone! When you write it down, you are much likelier to do it. I have a whole bulletin board with my goals on it right opposite my bed. I see it every night and remind myself on my running goals.

Limits are nothing. Do not doubt yourself and reach for the goal, no matter how unlikely it seems right now! So what do you want to do?