I'm Struggling

Hi. My name is Madelyn and I'm struggling.

I know most of you are there probably are too. I deal with a ton of stuff at different times but here's what I've got going on now.

Jared is at training. I am super excited for him. I've watched him work for five years to get to this point in his life where he can finally put on a uniform and fly the planes I have seen him watch with longing as they fly over head. He has a ton of work ahead of him, but I have the confidence that he will do great.

Me on the other hand, am still stuck back home. Alone. I need to finish out a few things before we move. Problem is, until tomorrow, I haven't had anything planned. So I was put in a situation where I basically sit at home finishing a few projects and errands around the house before I go back and go to work.

Thursday was great. I had a ton of errands to run and things planned to do. I was motivated and kept myself busy and was able to be productive. Friday was a struggle but I managed to clean the apartment and get some packing done. Today, it's becoming unbearable. I have very little motivation to do anything and I am on the verge of crying for no reason while sitting in front of the TV.

Now don't get me wrong. I didn't just sit on my bottom all morning. I went and ran for two hours. I covered nine miles. It was tough. However, it was the mental strain more than the physical one that is really setting me back. I actually think it is running that is putting me into such a funk. It's such a flip flop from the usual endorphin kick I get from running.

Thursdays are usually a great running day for me. I have PR'ed my 5K for two weeks in a row on Thursdays. Last Thursday however, I walked a ton more because I realized I was lonely. Running started as a thing I was doing for myself. It turned into a journey I was taking along with my husband. Running on his favorite trail alone really crushed my spirit. It's taking a lot for me to admit that.

So today. I first of all, woke up early, which is a miracle for me. Secondly, I made it to the park and started. Miracle number two. I acknowledge that I did something amazing. I went further than I had ever run before and I ran longer than I had ever run before. Yet I am still disappointed in myself because I allowed myself to walk almost the entire 8th mile. I almost never walk when I train. I realized that when I feel tired or want to walk, I keep going because I feel like I'm chasing Jared. He is so much faster and stronger than me when it comes to running and I don't want to let him get too far ahead of me. Call me competitive but running is something we do together and it has brought us closer together. He inspires me to keep going when my body tells me, "quit." Today I didn't have that and when I felt tired or fatigued I didn't push myself. I feel like I let myself down because I know I'm capable of much more.

Parallel that to life and I feel like I'm letting myself down today because I spent two hours in front of the TV being absolutely unproductive. I have no motivation to do anything. Being alone and having nothing to work towards has really got me depressed. All I really do is want to sleep.

But you know what? If I allowed myself to just sit here and cry and mope, would I get any better? Heck no. Before Jared left he made me a blanket. Yes ladies and gentlemen. He learned how to use a sewing machine and made me the most simple yet amazing blanket to snuggle with when he is gone. And I thank the Lord for this because he gave me some of my own medicine for times just like this. He wrote verses on it for me that he knows are my favorite. One happens to be the verse that got me really on track with God in the first place back in my sophomore year of college.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind."
~ 2 Timothy 1:7

I've struggled with fear a ton, but right now I feel like I'm struggling with the sound mind part! I have this self destructive pattern of depression when I spend too much time by myself. I allow things to just get dirty and cluttered around me, I don't eat right, I spend way too much time watching TV and I never actually make a difference for the kingdom of God. What I am lacking, is a vision.

When people talk about visions, in my living sphere, they are talking about a vision of a church, or a ministry. But honestly, our lives themselves are a ministry and we need to have a vision for our lives too. People might confuse visions with goals, but visions are more than a goal. A vision never changes in the course of your life. Goals are written and achieved but a vision is an overarching reason to why we do what we do no matter what part of your life you are talking about. Jared and I have a vision for our marriage. We wrote it on our first wedding anniversary.

"To love God, love one another, and lead by example, showing Christ's love to those around us, in words, actions and character, so that others may find Him in us and through us."

I read that and it gives me so much peace to know that God gave me a man that leads me with that vision in mind! But before you go, "I could never come up with something like that to write" as much as I love our vision, it's really not that original. You can have a vision too. Let me explain.

The idea of having a personal vision is something I've heard as a theme in the teachings that I have been listening and reading for the past week now. I've heard people talk about Proverbs 29:18a, "When there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint," and when I think about the Old Testament, this is true! The Israeli nation would remember God's word and hold to it and things would be great. Then when they turned away they fell into captivity. But when Jesus came He came to fulfill the law, not condemn us by it. He came so that we would be able to have a relationship with Him and because of our relationship, we could understand and practice the foundational teachings the law gives us and therefore, live a life the way God designed it. What I think people don't realize is that Jesus gave us a vision to us when we left the Earth. A vision that we can personally apply to our lives that will never change no matter what stage in life you are living.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And remember,  I am with you  always, to the end of the age.”

~ Matthew 28:19-20 

And now many of you are going, "Maddie, really? The great commission? Isn't that a little old fashioned, VBS, kumbayah around the church campfire idealistic? How can we all travel to the ends of the earth being missionaries who don't make any money and expect to reach everyone?" And I'd say, yea. Sure. You are right in one sense, but wrong in another. However, if we think about it correctly, I think it can be very powerful.

I don't care if you travel all the way to Africa from Odessa, TX or never leave your condo in Miami. We are placed in a city, in a job, in a group of friends, in a gym class, in a bar, in wherever to show the love of Christ to those whom God is seeking (read: EVERYONE). Honestly, I think it's harder to witness in a corporate meeting in America than it is to go on a mission trip. Just saying. 

I started this blog to be an example of how God challenged me to see that I am more capable that I think I am. That I can handle all He has called me to be. I don't need to worry about the how. I don't need to go travel all over the world (although I want to haha). I just need to be obedient and faithful and have my vision at the forefront of my mind at all times. When I run past some bikers, or fellow runners or just someone having a picnic, I can say "Good morning!" If this is true and my God is who I say He is, that simple gesture can have a big impact! Even if I'm struggling now, I can always hold on to the hope and the love that my Savior has for me and show that to the world. And see? Now that I'm writing about it I'm already feeling better!

To end. As I've grown older one of my favorite passages in the Bible has been from Isaiah 40. It is the root of my inspiration to run and my vision for my life. I serve an awesome God and I hope that as I continue to run through the difficult times, you can see how much I love Him because of how much He loves us. 

The Lord Returns to Jerusalem

40:1 “Comfort, comfort my people,”

says your¹ God.

40:2 “Speak kindly to² Jerusalem,³ and tell her

that her time of warfare is over,⁴

that her punishment is completed.⁵

For the Lord has made her pay double⁶ for all her sins.”

40:3 A voice cries out,

“In the wilderness clear a way for the Lord;

construct in the desert a road for our God.

40:4 Every valley must be elevated,

and every mountain and hill leveled.

The rough terrain will become a level plain,

the rugged landscape a wide valley.

40:5 The splendor⁷ of the Lord will be revealed,

and all people⁸ will see it at the same time.

For⁹ the Lord has decreed it.”¹⁰

40:6 A voice says, “Cry out!”

Another asks,¹¹ “What should I cry out?”

The first voice responds:¹² “All people are like grass,¹³

and all their promises¹⁴ are like the flowers in the field.

40:7 The grass dries up,

the flowers wither,

when the wind sent by the Lord¹⁵ blows on them.

Surely humanity¹⁶ is like grass.

40:8 The grass dries up,

the flowers wither,

but the decree of our God is forever reliable.”¹⁷

40:9 Go up on a high mountain, O herald Zion!

Shout out loudly, O herald Jerusalem!¹⁸

Shout, don’t be afraid!

Say to the towns of Judah,

“Here is your God!”

40:10 Look, the sovereign Lord comes as a victorious warrior;¹⁹

his military power establishes his rule.²⁰

Look, his reward is with him;

his prize goes before him.²¹

40:11 Like a shepherd he tends his flock;

he gathers up the lambs with his arm;

he carries them close to his heart;²²

he leads the ewes along.

The Lord is Incomparable

40:12 Who has measured out the waters²³ in the hollow of his hand,

or carefully²⁴ measured the sky,²⁵

or carefully weighed²⁶ the soil of the earth,

or weighed the mountains in a balance,

or the hills on scales?²⁷

40:13 Who comprehends²⁸ the mind²⁹ of the Lord,

or gives him instruction as his counselor?³⁰

40:14 From whom does he receive directions?³¹

Who³² teaches him the correct way to do things,³³

or imparts knowledge to him,

or instructs him in skillful design?³⁴

40:15 Look, the nations are like a drop in a bucket;

they are regarded as dust on the scales.

He lifts³⁵ the coastlands³⁶ as if they were dust.

40:16 Not even Lebanon could supply enough firewood for a sacrifice;³⁷

its wild animals would not provide enough burnt offerings.³⁸

40:17 All the nations are insignificant before him;

they are regarded as absolutely nothing.³⁹

40:18 To whom can you compare God?

To what image can you liken him?

40:19 A craftsman casts⁴⁰ an idol;

a metalsmith overlays it with gold

and forges silver chains for it.

40:20 To make a contribution one selects wood that will not rot;⁴¹

he then seeks a skilled craftsman

to make⁴² an idol that will not fall over.

40:21 Do you not know?

Do you not hear?

Has it not been told to you since the very beginning?

Have you not understood from the time the earth’s foundations were made?

40:22 He is the one who sits on the earth’s horizon;⁴³

its inhabitants are like grasshoppers before him.⁴⁴

He is the one who stretches out the sky like a thin curtain,⁴⁵

and spreads it out⁴⁶ like a pitched tent.⁴⁷

40:23 He is the one who reduces rulers to nothing;

he makes the earth’s leaders insignificant.

40:24 Indeed, they are barely planted;

yes, they are barely sown;

yes, they barely take root in the earth,

and then he blows on them, causing them to dry up,

and the wind carries them away like straw.

40:25 “To whom can you compare me? Whom do I resemble?”

says the Holy One.⁴⁸

40:26 Look up at the sky!⁴⁹

Who created all these heavenly lights?⁵⁰

He is the one who leads out their ranks;⁵¹

he calls them all by name.

Because of his absolute power and awesome strength,

not one of them is missing.

40:27 Why do you say, Jacob,

Why do you say, Israel,

“The Lord is not aware of what is happening to me,⁵²

My God is not concerned with my vindication”?⁵³

40:28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is an eternal God,

the creator of the whole earth.⁵⁴

He does not get tired or weary;

there is no limit to his wisdom.⁵⁵

40:29 He gives strength to those who are tired;

to the ones who lack power, he gives renewed energy.

40:30 Even youths get tired and weary;

even strong young men clumsily stumble.⁵⁶

40:31 But those who wait for the Lord’s help⁵⁷ find renewed strength;

they rise up as if they had eagles’ wings,⁵⁸

they run without growing weary,

they walk without getting tired.

Telescopes

When I was little, I was fascinated with stars. I remember going out to church camp where there were no city lights and being able to see tons and tons of stars and even the faint glow of the milky way. I also remember looking up in my driveway growing up and only seeing a few stars and thinking, "What a shame we can't see more here!"

That's when dad and I got our telescope. I remember waking up at crazy times of nights and laying back on our lawn chairs to watch meteor showers. We bought a star chart and I would line up the day and the time and we would set up our telescope by the pool and look at the moon, Saturn (my favorite), Jupiter, Mars, the stars in Orion's belt, ALL OF THEM! I was so fascinated!

The truth is, I still am! I love stars and I love looking up (beyond the planes my husband is looking at haha) and seeing all the glowing bodies of light in the constellations I've known for so long! We recently went on a trip to Big Bend (to read THAT blog and see the video, click here: http://daughterandwife.blogspot.com/2013/03/big-bend-state-park.html) and I was amazed at all the stars I could see again after so long!

Tonight, I did an activity with my kids on stars. It was awesome as my preschool director and I decided to do a class together with preschoolers and elementary kids. They were hilarious to watch and were so into the Bible story on creation! I loved every single bit of it! Once we covered creation, I showed the kids a "mini constellation" map I had made by poking holes in aluminum foil. They ooohed and ahhhed and tried to guess what each one looked like to them. Then I let them make their own.

The greatest part about it was that I was able to think about those times with my dad. How we would look though the telescope and the star would be magnified. I would see all the details of the star, planet, whatever and think, "Wow! God made that!" God's glory was magnified as my telescope magnified the star I was looking at!

What's cool when you think about it, is we are like telescopes. Whatever we focus on, we magnify. If we focus on negative things, negative things get magnified in our life. If however, we focus on God, God in all his glory and power is magnified in our lives!

Think about Isaiah 43:1-7. In this passage, God says he:

• Created you
• Redeemed you
• Calls you
• Keeps you from all manner of destruction
• Is your Savior
• Thinks you are precious
• Loves you!

Isn't that amazing? God's glory is displayed the greatest when we have a delight in all that he is; through all that he created, all his love, mercy, kindness, justice, and power! It's hard to wrap your mind around God, but I think that's the point! He is so amazing we can just think about what he did for us, then lean into him and whisper, "Wow!"

So as we run, and we have plenty of time to think, what are you thinking about? Is it all the problems in your life? All the stress, the worries, the annoying people, whatever. Or is it the fact that God gave you everything you have and loves you no matter what?

"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."

Isaiah 43:1-7

Pinterest fun!

Today's blog is a little different from normal. Normally I post about how our training is going and not "how to" things. But today I finished a weekend project that I am so excited about I decided it was worth sharing!

So this weekend we had our 5K race and this surfaced a problem I have never encountered before. Jared and I have been amassing a small pile of medals. I can instantly see that if we continue to do races like we are planning to, I am going to have no where to put all these medals and race bibs.

Like any good woman, I know Pinterest has the answer!

So I search "medal hangers" and several pins came up. I paroosed for a little while and decided to use a combination of a couple of pins along with my own ideas. You can see the pins I borrowed ideas from here:

http://diddledumpling.blogspot.com/2010/05/tutorial-vintage-looking-painted-sign.html
http://pavementrunner.com/diy-medal-bib-holder/

Credit where credit is due! I couldn't have done this without these ideas and how to's!

So I love rustic "Texan" looking decorations. After all, I am born and raised in Texas! So I went to Lowes and bought some cedar planks. Not only do they smell amazing, but they made me reminisce about the summer my parents decided to rebuild our fence by hand. So many cedar planks!

Did you also know that Lowes cuts wood for you? I picked out two planks that were 6" wide and one that was 2" wide. They cut the 6" wide planks into four 16" pieces and two 32" pieces. They cut the skinny plank into 6" long pieces.

From there I used wood glue, nails and two skinny boards to join two fat boards. As seen below...

I repeated the process with the other four fat boards. I used three skinny pieces instead of two for the 32" long pieces to add extra stability.

Then I went to my computer and found a font I liked. Then I typed out everything I wanted the sign to say and flipped the words on my word document so that everything read backwards. Then I printed on an inkjet printer.

Then I cut out my pieces and arranged the papers where I wanted the words on my boards. Ink side down!

Then I started the ink transfer process. I used a spray bottle to saturate the paper. It's best to wait a couple of minutes to let the water start to release the ink from the paper.

Then I used the cap of the sharpie and basically scribbled over the paper to let the ink transfer. You can see the first blog link above to get more detailed instructions.

Once you have done this for each word you can remove the paper and ink should stay on your board! Do this for all the boards you want to do!

Then my husband so graciously used a wood burning tool to outline the letters. He got one at Michaels when he was making a time capsule box for our wedding. I think this looks very rustic and "Texan-y" hehe. It also helps the letters to pop!

Then I painted in the letters with pretty cheap paint. It looked more like a stain than paint which I thought made it look cooler. 

Also at Lowes were some cool looking tacks. I thought they looked like they could have been made by a blacksmith in the 1800's so I got them. They were only $2  for a whole bunch! I took the two smaller boards and measured out the holes for the running bibs that I was going to hang on it. You can click on the second blog link for more ideas too. I had two sizes like she did so I staggered the hangings so they would all fit!

Then on my long board I hammered a bunch of tacks to the bottom to hang our medals on!

Attach some rustic farm-looking string to the corners (with tacks of course!) and you have a sign! Hang your medals proudly and stand back and admire (this is a very important step lol). I'm pretty happy with how mine turned out!

Now we have a very big reminder for why we run every time we enter our bedroom as well as a reminder of all the faithfulness God has shown us in the past!

Now on to our next race...the Houston Turkey Trot!

Happy running everyone!

When the running gets tough...

...the tough get running! I have seemed to have gotten to this point in my life where it seems like all my hard work isn't getting me anywhere.

But what we have to remember is that there are going to be days where it is like we are swimming upstream (with no flippers)! When we decide to do something worthwhile there are going to be days where it gets hard. Nobody said that training (or life) was going to be 'happy go lucky' all the time. It takes time and commitment to get somewhere no matter what goal you are working towards.

So I'm taking a page out of my favorite character's book and singing...

'Just keep running...Just keep running...'

'Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.' (Isaiah 40:28-31 AMP)

And for a little picture pick me up, check out this picture my hubby took on his evening flight tonight. Nothing like a Texas sunset!

My Quest Across America!

Hello everybody! So I have decided that just running is so boring. So I'm setting a goal for myself to run a marathon!

Why do you say? Well, because I've always wanted to run a marathon and I always thought it would be amazing. However, I never thought I could do it. I have realized that God asks me to do crazy things too but with His help I can do all things!

In addition to running a marathon, I also found this amazing website that virtually lets you run across America! It goes along the old Route 66 from one side of the country to another. I'm going to log my training miles on this website and see where my miles take me. I mean come on...it gives you pictures of the road! (See attached picture)

This isn't all about me though. This is about you too. I hope that me pushing myself inspires you to see God has big plans for you too and with Him you can do all things!

Two verses to ponder into our hearts as we run...

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13 ESV)

"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31 ESV)

God bless. :)

My God is so big!

Many of us go through our day to day lives and get bogged down by what we have to do in a day. Paying rent, working with a certain someone, getting through traffic...you know. Hard things right? I know many of us deal with physical, emotional and spiritual baggage. We have an illness, grieve for a loved one that died, are stressed out by the desire to become significant or are just struggling to get out of bed and do something productive because it seems pointless. As human beings we strive to be a positive influence but many times we hurt each other emotionally or are too wrapped up in ourselves to see how we influence those around us.

What we lack is heavenly perspective. If you would turn to Isaiah chapter 40 please. If you don't have a Bible click here: http://bible.org/netbible/

Starting in verse 6:

A voice says, Cry [prophesy]! And I said, What shall I cry?
[The voice answered, Proclaim:] All flesh is as frail as grass, and all that makes it attractive [its kindness, its goodwill, its mercy from God, its glory and comeliness, however good] is transitory, like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades, when the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely [all] the people are like grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. (Isaiah 40:6-8 AMP)

This verse tells us that even in our best, we are but a passing flower...we die. I know I have a black thumb but I'm pretty sure the flowers that get put in my vases go bad within a couple of weeks. Just as quick as they bloom and look pretty, they whither and die and I have to throw them away. The Bible says we are just like that. But the Bible also says God is NOT like that. You could even say God is like the vase. He is the one who holds all the beauty and displays it for the world to see so that people can come to know Him!

Why would you want to know God?

"Behold, the Lord God will come with might, and His arm will rule for Him. Behold, His reward is with Him, and His recompense before Him." (Isaiah 40:10 AMP)

God is mighty!

"He will feed His flock like a shepherd: He will gather the lambs in His arm, He will carry them in His bosom and will gently lead those that have their young." (Isaiah 40:11 AMP)

God is compassionate! I don't think it was an accident that the verses describing His power and His love got put back to back.

"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, marked off the heavens with a [nine-inch] span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure, and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?" (Isaiah 40:12 AMP)

I love this verse! We try to measure everything with science but most of the time it's all just theory in the end. God is the only one who can physically do all these mighty things. He created the Earth and knows everything in it.

"Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord, or as His counselor has taught Him? With whom did He take counsel, that instruction might be given Him? Who taught Him the path of justice and taught Him knowledge and showed Him the way of understanding?" (Isaiah 40:13, 14 AMP)

God is the one who created justice, love and understanding. Only from Him can we get these things!

"Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket and are counted as small dust on the scales; behold, He takes up the isles like a very little thing. And all Lebanon’s [forests] cannot supply sufficient fuel, nor all its wild beasts furnish victims enough to burn sacrifices [worthy of the Lord]. All the nations are as nothing before Him; they are regarded by Him as less than nothing and emptiness (waste, futility, and worthlessness)." (Isaiah 40:15-17 AMP)

Even though God gave the Jews a means to atone for their sins with sacrifices, we could not sacrifice enough to be worthy of God's greatness. He doesn't just want to rule over us, He wants to have a relationship with us!

After reading these verses my simple conclusion is, God is so big! Reminds me of the children's song (I am a children's pastor):

"My God is so big, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do!"

The problem is, we (yes, including me) reduce God in size in our minds. We ignore the power and the might and the control (hello!) that He has over the universe! Not just that, but He loves you! My husband would do anything for me and I him. Our love is like a flower compared to the everlasting and perfect love that God has for us (verse 6-8 remember?)

This is my favorite part:

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired." (Isaiah 40:15, 28-31 AMP)

[Insert Händel's Hallelujah Chorus!] God loves us so much that He sees those who wait on the word of the Lord and gives them strength for the hard times. Not only will these people persevere, but they will soar to new heights! As in, places they were never able to reach before the hard time! I know we have big obstacles in our paths. God will help you overcome them if you ask Him for that help!

I know I needed that refreshing perspective on how great and powerful God is. I hope that perspective helps you today too.

"My God is so big, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do!"