Fireworks

I honestly sit here inspired tonight. It's been the culmination of a million pondering moments and a million questions all converging at once.

I had the honor tonight to attend a concert in the Botanical Gardens with one of my dearest friends Ashley and her family. Honestly, when I found out I was going to get to hang out with them tonight I was so excited. I love their family and how funny, genuine and hospitable they are. It takes a special kind of people to invite me over to a dinner and cater to my gluten free needs and they did so with flying colors. Literally. Mr. Mark's shirt looked exactly like the American flag when you held up our patriotic napkins to his shirt!

But I guess I should start explaining things a little bit, first starting a few months ago when I attended a training for work. We talked about trauma and how it affects the brain. We like to talk in symbolism to get our points across, naturally. We discussed how trauma affects the brain and how the brain achieved healing. The metaphor that the speaker used was that trauma was not a linear model where we travel in a straight line and get to point B from point A. Rather, it's a spiral model where we start at the bottom. Some times we move forward and other times we move back. But regardless where we are in the spiral, we are always moving up.

This is an important thing to keep in mind when we consider all that has been happening recently.

Personally, I've been under a ton of stress. Between my work with the women I mentor and my personal life, there is a ton going on. I can't elaborate. But let's say the new essential oils I received are definitely helping along side some very long prayer times for my anxiety.

Meanwhile, I couldn't even look at Facebook for a while. I feel like a recent post I saw from Glen Beck summed it up exactly:

Personally, I believe my first citizenship is to God. I am a daughter of the King. He says homosexuality was not a part of his design. So therefore, I believe that if you are living a homosexual lifestyle, you are not living in the will of God. However, God gave us the freedom to make our own choices. That's what makes His love so spectacular; He doesn't force us to love him. So in accordance to my second citizenship to the United States of America, you have the ability to do whatever you chose to do, as long as it doesn't cause me to deviate from my freedom to follow my beliefs in God.

What I do have a problem with is how this, among other decisions, was passed down through our court system. We have a constitution which is the most unique piece of governmental procedure in the world. No one came up with something like this before America. I feel like if we are to really protect freedom to live the way we want to (whether you choose to follow God or not) that monumental document needs to be followed so that everyone has the freedom to live the life they chose.

So meanwhile, I see the hate and the divisiveness that is coming across in social media and I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. I wonder how such a court decision could have happened. Then on top of that, how can we have become a society where if you have a differing opinion than I do, it makes you an enemy that I can never talk to again?

So this Fourth of July, I am very reflective and prayerful as I consider what we are actually celebrating this year. While I'm very disappointed in what has happened in our country recently, I still can't help think about the spiral model of healing. Sometimes we will go forward. Sometimes we will go backward. Yet we will always be going up.

As I watched the fireworks tonight above my hometown, I couldn't help but judge which fireworks I thought were the prettiest. I'm pretty consistent. Ever since I was little I've loved the ones that sparkle and have lots of twinkling lights that linger even after the initial explosion. As I watched (and maybe had to wipe the ash from my face) I thought, "What is it about those fireworks that makes the sparkle ones so exceptional?" In my reflective mood, I thought about how there are thousands of tiny pieces of the fireworks that catch the energy from the initial explosion and then ignite to create the light and the sparkle. Consequentially, that causes those fireworks to last so much longer than the other ones.

I can't help but draw a parallel from those fireworks to our society. Right now we have a ton of fireworks that draw our attention. From Obamacare to church shootings to confederate flags to homosexuality...there are so many things looking to draw our attention and create a divide amongst our country right now. But the fireworks that last and actually make a difference in our lives are the ones that see the goodness and the kindness in our society. While they may not make the front page or the top of the news, they are the stories that actually pierce our hearts and cause us to aspire to be better versions of ourselves.

So amongst all those that have expressed despair for the future of our country, I actually have hope in our America. I believe that God is bringing up a generation of people my age that have caught the initial spark of the gospel and are propelled to make a change where God has planted them. That obedience, grace and love causes them to spark and make a difference in the lives of those around them, who therefore also catch the spark. God is creating a huge firework, the kind that lingers long after the others, and spreads the good news of love and redemption.

We may be in a backwards trend of the spiral right now. Trust me, I know it's NOT pretty. But I have hope. I refuse to give in to the idea that we are beyond repair. America was built on hope and it will only fail when hope in something better is lost by the people that live here. It's a hard road to travel. These days the road seems pretty tough. But if we do not give up, we will be that shining light on a hill the Bible talks about.

We will be a huge firework signaling freedom to everyone in the world looking for it.

So my question is, what spark is God calling you to be?

Culture Shock...Not Quite So Free

Dad and I at one of our Indian Princess Camp Outs

Hi everyone! I hope you are as excited as I am about the coming Fourth of July holiday!

The Fourth of July has looked very different over the years for me. Some years it was rainy. Some years it was too dry to do fireworks. Some years I wasn't even home! But one thing that has always seemed to be the same is there has ALWAYS been a McBrayer in the parade! From my dad, brother and I doing Indian Princess/Guides floats (with dad in full Indian headdress!) to marching in the band, we seem to have always had someone walking by our house the morning of the Fourth of July. It's only been a year where that streak has ended, but I have so many fond memories of waving to the people, throwing candy, celebrating the fact that I was in AMERICA and sometimes, riding my bike through thunderstorms.

This weekend however, I heard a story from my brother. It's been on my mind for days now and it makes me appreciate those Fourth of July moments so much more.

My brother is studying abroad in Shanghai this summer. He's truly hard core! He was sitting in the library on campus this past week when suddenly, a Chinese student came and started talking to him. I mean come on, my brother is as white as white can be and the kid wanted to know more about the study abroad group of kids. He's not hard to find!

Little did my brother know however, that God had appointed this meeting as suddenly, the kid asked if any of the international students were Christian. My brother of course responded that he was Christian. The Chinese kid then confessed to him that he had just become a Christian five days ago! Hallelujah! But because he is Chinese, the government does not allow him to go to the international Christian churches. He has no way of learning more about God. If he wants to join a church or speak to others about Christ, he basically has to go underground and risk everything to do so. I'm sure his family ties will be strained. His friends will think he's crazy. He might even end up in jail. But this Chinese student was so determined to learn more about Christ, he is risking everything and sought out my brother to find out more.

Can you imagine being told what you can and cannot believe? We take religious freedom here so lightly sometimes. I include myself in that statement. Sometimes, we think it's no big deal for people to accept Christ because we are surrounded by Christians and people making that decision every week. At my church, we give them a whole book with the next steps after they make the decision to follow Christ! And yet this kid (because yes, he's my brother's age and they are kids haha) has the door closed in his face when he tries to find out more.

Hearing this story makes me reflect on what I have in America. America, where I can hop on my blog and freely write about what God is teaching me without worrying if I am going to be arrested. But what did it take for me to have that? People fighting for me. People laying down their lives for me literally. In the movie Saving Private Ryan, when Private Ryan learns that people had laid down their lives looking for him, he wanted to know their names. How many of us know the names of those who have fought for us? More importantly, why do we allow people to talk badly of our military and mouth off about how terrible of a country we are? Yea we may have our issues, but we have nothing to complain about compared to countries where their people can't even practice their faith without being arrested!

So as you BBQ this weekend and watch the fireworks, I hope you take time to truly appreciate the fact that you live in America. Then, say a prayer for the families that have lost loved ones, who are rehabilitating after injuries, who are still separated from their husbands, wives and kids. Then please, say a prayer for my brother's Chinese friend, and others like him, who are so desperately looking for Christ.