So a few days ago, I talked about my marathon experience briefly. I loved the vacation and the time with my family. I was certainly not ready to come back! But while I think there are a ton of people who like to add their two cents about the marathon weekend, like if it was run smoothly or as spectacular as last year or if they had any corral issues, there are not a ton of people that talk about the days after the marathon. People don't talk about the "Post Marathon Blues." Which, I have experienced, full force.
I had heard it was common to have some post marathon blues. Any time you have a big anticipated event, there's some sadness when it's over. But for me, it was a marked difference pre-marathon and post marathon. Coming back to work was difficult. No one seemed to notice that something big had just happened in my life (that acknowledgment wouldn't come for a few days). My sleep schedule was all crazy (and still is. I haven't gotten back to my sleep schedule and it's been a month!). I didn't have any big things to look to anymore. Combine that with the cold, cold winter and dreary weather it was a recipe for disaster.
The best way I can describe what I've been feeling was this undercurrent of sadness in my chest that seemed to be always present. It is like a river, always flowing. I tried to keep busy by working on some projects or hanging out with friends. This would help keep my mind off of it and the river "small." But any time I didn't have something to distract me, this undercurrent of sadness blossomed into a gigantic river, overflowing the banks and overcoming my feelings. Worse, I couldn't run to cope since I was letting my marathon injuries rest.
I don't think I've beat it yet. But I'm getting better. My best friend and I got a chance to talk as she deals with the same thing. And what I've come up with is that what I learned to get me through the marathon is what I can use to get past the marathon blues! When you get to that point in the race where your body just gives out and you are running on fumes, you have to fight to keep going. Things that used to keep you going in training may or may not work. You have to dig deep inside to keep up the will to keep going.
I've gotten to the point where things I used to enjoy weren't fun anymore. Things that kept me motivated didn't exist anymore and clinically, that's depression. What I've had to do is realize that things that are important haven't changed. Spending time with family. My work. My friends. And most importantly, my relationship with Christ. Sometimes, the good and pleasant feelings come naturally when we think about the things we love. And sometimes, we have to fight for those feelings to come, especially when negativity seems to be coursing through your soul.
I've had to fight for my feelings post marathon. I've had to be dedicated to my Bible studies. I had to choose to believe the best in people and situations when I felt the worst. And more importantly, I had to give myself permission to be ok with not being ok. It's a bit like paddling upstream with only your hands. Many times I wonder why God is allowing this to happen. And yet slowly and inexplicably God is starting to bless my efforts and my prayers and turn the river in my favor, where I'm now gaining speed and going towards where I want to be faster and faster.
As I've been consistently choosing to do all these things (and setting up my new race schedule) I'm starting to get back to what I call "normal me." The negativity is ebbing away and I'm starting to laugh more often, smile more and feel so much happier. To anyone who might deal with the same thing, I'd say a couple of things.
1) Keep doing what you know is right. Choose to be kind. Choose to love others no matter what you feel. Choose to love God even if he seems far away. Choose to be ok with the season you are in no matter how un-content you feel. Dig deep. Yes, if feels futile against the current you are in. But then:
2) Pray for God to change the current. Pray that he bless your efforts to enjoy what you have been given and allow you to see the fruit of what you have been faithful with.
I'll let you know how things are going on my side soon!
