Was Blind But Now I See

This last week was a big day in history for our family.

Seven years ago on the weekend after Thanksgiving, Jared and I started dating.

Four years ago, I had life changing eye surgery.

Last year, we closed on our first house.

I've been very reflective this week on where I have been. I didn't have dating or marriage high on the list of things to do in college. Would it be nice to date? Sure. Were there guys interested in dating me? Yes. But I shrugged off one by one, more determined to focus on school and being the strong willed independent woman I wanted to be. Thank goodness God gave Jared the patience to wait my stubbornness out. He has helped me change into a better person. One that is more patient, more forgiving and less judgmental. I feel I still have a long way to go but I'm definitely better off with him!

Right before we got married I had eye surgery. I was legally blind and didn't have enough tissue on my eye to correct it via Lasik. However, I had the right doctor who knew the best surgeon who was able to do ICL surgery. It cost a fortune and I know how much my parents sacrificed for me to have this surgery. It has been one of the single life changing moments of my life. I remember growing up and getting my prescription adjusted every year. When we would go home I would marvel at the leaves on the trees and notice that we had our address number above our garage. But this was that on a whole different scale. I didn't know the world could be seen in HD after viewing it on a fuzzy box my whole life. I don't think I would appreciate the beauty of the world like I do today if I had not had the opportunity to have this surgery.

Last year was a life changing moment as well. Jared and I didn't just buy a house...we bought a HOME. It's a place I have been able to finally feel comfortable in. I wasn't just a passerby waiting for the next best thing. I was finally able to see and feel and decorate this space because it's my home. It's where we are going to raise our kids. It's where we are going to entertain our friends and family. It's where Jared and I will spend our good days and our bad days together. My PTSD has significantly reduced the frequency of rearing it's ugly head since moving in a year ago. Again, life changing.

As I reflect on these things, I can't help but remember Paul writing in 1 Corinthians that when we are younger in life, whether that be in our Christian walk or our physical life span, "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know it part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." I remember having so many questions after graduating college...even more than after graduating high school. Most of my questions can be summarized by "Now what?" It's so incredible that just a few years later I can look back and go, "Wow God. I had a big vision of what you wanted me to do. But the path that you took me down to get here is something only you could have dreamed up."

And it can all be summarized as grace.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
was blind but now I see.

Grace from God is what brought me to Jared. Grace from my parents is what allowed me to literally see. Grace is what allowed me to see metaphorically what God wanted me to do. Grace is what brought us to this home and this job and this amazing group of friends and family. I am truly thankful this Christmas season. It's the most content I have ever been in my life, and I am truly thankful.

Here's to what God is doing next.

Pumpkin Patch Date!

Every year Jared and I like to visit a pumpkin patch. It's something I did as a kid and we always have fun visiting and searching for the perfect pumpkin!

In addition to the pumpkin patch, there was a corn maze that we got to do!

Corn! I am in love with my new phone and the pictures it takes!

We love pumpkin patches!

Obligatory selfie.

Jared was just a little bit too tall for this photo set up!

Cute little pumpkins!

We loved that they had pumpkins of every kind!

Cheesin!

Well, we shouldn't get lost!

We had a ton of fun looking for ur pumpkin. Plus, we were able to just talk and decompress from some of the stuff we both have going on at work. But what's really awesome is we had more fun in the corn maze...which we actually got lost in!



Just another fun idea for you and your loved one to spend some time together!

Essential Oils: Allergy Season!

I've got another great use for essential oils!

Jared and I have long suffered from allergies. Even with medication, I sneeze all the time during the fall season due to the Ragweed and Cedar blooming. Jared doesn't use medication, and this essential oil blend is fantastic for him!

It's simple:
1 part Lavender
1 part Lemon
1 part Peppermint

Put it in a roller bottle, dilute it with some carrier oil (we use Grapeseed) and apply it to the sides of your nose and front of your forehead (where your forehead meets your nose) for all day relief!

This has been such a blessing to us and we hope it can help you too!

Giving Up Control

Control is a weird word. It also bring up some interesting emotional responses in people.

But, let's face it, we all like to have control over things. We like to control what we watch and when we watch it...so we invented the DVR. We like to control traffic and our commute to work so the app Waze was created. We like to control our news feed on Facebook, our news stories, our podcasts...we have phones that allow us to customize it exactly how we want it!

I'm sure it's just me. But maybe someone else might try to control other people around them sometimes...

We like to be able to predict what is going to happen around us and make sure that it comes out in our favor. It's human nature. We try to control others but don't like to be controlled by other people. But many times, when we try to gain control of our situation, we end up losing control of the situation. It's a mix-mashed bag of crazy.

We need to learn how to give up control.

I deal with having to learn to give up control on a daily basis. I'm pretty sure God had me marry a pilot just to break me of my planning habit. I like to plan YEARS in advance when it comes to events and trips. He's been on reserve for way longer than expected and I can never plan for 100% until the month before. It drives me NUTS.

Not to mention, I get to deal with Jared on a daily basis. I'm sure I get frustrated over his decisions sometimes just as much as he gets frustrated over mine. :)

Then, God gave me in interns at work. I know that I need to let them work on their own projects so that they can learn and grow, even from mistakes. Micromanaging won't help. But it's my instinct to make sure every detail is in place!

Then, God gave me the women I work with. Emergencies happen without any warning. You can't plan for emergencies in your schedule and you have to just go with the flow when the needs arise.

Then, God gave me Obama. Everything seems to be going down the drain. I shake my head as I see other people in my generation not caring about politics or the ways in which our government affects our daily lives. Yet, I can't control how people think, vote, or pay attention.

The good news is, I have plenty of opportunity to practice giving up control. What's awesome is that this last weekend in FC Kids, we learned that God is so powerful that he controls everything in the universe. He controls the stars, the blood moon we just got to witness, the things in the ocean, the storms, EVERYTHING! And yet, the one thing he gave up control on was us. He gave up the control to make us worship him. He gave us a choice. His biggest act of love for us was to give us free will. To choose to accept him as Christ or not.

Our biggest act of love sometimes is to give up control of certain situations where we try to control everyone else. My biggest act of love to Jared is to not try to control his likes, habits, schedule, etc. I can really help my interns by not micromanaging. I can't make my sparrows choose wisely...I have to love them enough to know God's going to work all things in their life for his glory. I can't control what happens in my government or what people think. In fact, I think many of our problems would be solved if people just stopped trying to control one another.

What we don't realize though, is that while we are anxious about giving up control, this is the very thing that will help release us from anxiety. When we pray and give up control over something to God, it's a peaceful, calming feeling knowing that he is going to take it over. It only gets stronger the more and more we experience God coming through for us. If we know that God is all powerful and has control over everything, why don't we trust him with it?

So as you go about your weekend today, I hope that this little bit of musing can help you trust God with whatever is going on in your life. After all...we know that we are supposed to be just...

LETTING IT GO!

Benchmarks

It has been HOT this summer.

I'm sure you are thinking, "Thanks Captain Obvious. This is Texas."

Well, it's a statement I feel I need to make sure is on the page so that we all have the same starting place!

Because it has been so hot, running has been such a beat down. I feel like all I do is  run slow and drown in my sweat. Especially when I have track days with the training group. The track gets so hot some of the tar literally melts and attaches itself to the bottom of my shoes. Instead of feeling fast, I feel like I'm dragging a bunch of 20 pound dumbbells behind me.

Each of us in our training has splits we are supposed to try to hit while doing our track run. I've been hitting mine even though the heat has been oppressive. So one day when I wasn't going to be able to join my training group and had to do my track session on the treadmill at home, I had to do some math to figure out what settings I was supposed to use on the treadmill to achieve the same speed I do on the track.

I had to redo my math three times because I thought I kept getting it wrong.

I used to run my speed workout according to my McMillin calculator splits it gave me back in February. That translated to my treadmill by running my interval pace at a 6.0 MPH on the treadmill. Now, my math was telling me I can now do my treadmill pace at a 6.5 MPH.

So while I did my math three times using three different methods to get there, I finally concluded that it would be the correct speed. And sure enough, I was able to do it. The last interval was painful, but that's the same as every track workout!

A similar thing happened in my personal life. I've always felt I wasn't good at remembering Bible verses to help other people when they needed them. I've really dedicated myself this year to reading out of my physical Bible and not my electronic one so that I can highlight and comment to myself in the margins. I was hoping that by doing this, I would remember where in the Bible certain stories and verses that meant a ton to me were located. Sure enough, a situation at work called for me to share some encouraging verses to a woman who needed them. Without hesitation, I was able to recall several verses that ended up helping her calm down. I did a little, "hmmm" to myself afterwards. It was the first time I had been able to do that instantaneously.

What's the point to all this? Oftentimes in our Christian walk, we feel like we aren't making any progress. We keep dealing with the same emotions, the same habits, the same struggles and don't feel like we are getting anywhere. However, it's important for us to have "benchmarks" in our lives to see how we have progressed. We need to have an "old self" to compare to in order to see how God is working in our lives.

So as you go throughout your week or month, take stock of things that you do. Whether you are running faster, lifting stronger, being more intentional with relationships or your walk with God, see what you are doing better or what needs improvement. While we have faith that God will change us, it's nice to be able to see measurable progress. It allows us to be able to go back and say, "Wow God!" and ultimately, give him the glory he deserves!

Listen Already

My little brother graduated college last month. That statement in itself makes me feel older than I actually am. 😳

However, this is not a post to talk about yelling at kids on my lawn. This is about something that has been on my heart for a couple of weeks. Now that it's marinated, I figured it time to pop it on the grill and share. 

At the graduation ceremony, the president of the school addressed the crowd and said if he had one thing to advise to the graduates, it would be to learn how to listen. It caused me to tilt my head to one side and go, "hmmm." 

He talked about our polarizing culture. Between ISIS, the upcoming presidential campaigns, Caitlyn Jenner and open carry legislation, you can be barraged by a number of opinions on all these things just by opening Facebook or turning on the news. With the dawn of social media, everyone get to have their say. Isn't that special?

Issue is, I learned in Elementary school that when everyone is special, no one is. We see this phenomena in social media constantly. While we post our opinions on blogs and Instagram, we can't wait to see how many likes or website visits we get. Then when we are underwhelmed by the response, we look to other blogs who say if you really want to be followed, you have to post more frequently, post about more controversial things, give your opinions more. More, more, more. It's the social media equivalent of shouting to be heard in a virtual world that is already on par with the decible of a jet engine. 

The more we post coupled with the less people respond, we become defensive and battle lines are drawn. We post comments on other people's posts with differing opinions, hoping others will back us up. Or, we just filter out differing opinions so that we can have a feel good pow wow in our minds, Anyone who gets more hearts or a differing opinion is instantly an enemy because they are taking all the likes. We pick fights just to win and make ourselves feel better. 

But ultimately, this behavior isn't driven by the desire to be heard, but actually by the desire to control people. Take an example from a heated argument Jared and I had when we first got married. He didn't do something that I wanted him to do. I had asked him to do it before because, after all, our marriage depended on him showing me love, right? When I asked him why he didn't do it if he knew that I had asked him to, he didn't have an answer. As the conversation went on, I just talked, and talked, and my voice got louder and louder until I was yelling at him and threw a pillow for good measure in order to communicate my anger. But what was driving me wasn't my desire for him to love me or understand me. It was my desire to control him and his actions. 

When we engage in social interactions either in person or virtually, many times we are just trying to control what other people think. We want to be a movie star so we can influence people. We want to inflict what we think on others by implementing political policies we like. We want to win the argument on social media so we can win over more followers who will wait with bated breath for our words on what to do or say. We want to curb the actions and attitudes that we don't agree with so we don't have to deal with them. 

This is the source of our polarizing culture: control. Everyone wants to control everyone else. Problem is, I can't even control Jared, much less a community of people. Our argument in our marriage wasn't settled until I actually shut up for a second and allowed Jared to talk without me planning my next retort in my head. Our society's arguments won't be settled until we do the same. 

I can't control what other people do, but I can decide how I am going to respond. Letting someone make a different decision after I have communicated my opinion is the most vulnerable I have ever felt. As I think about it, I feel like it's how God feels whenever we decide not to listen to him. However, He gives us true liberty to have free will and not be controlled by Him. I feel like in our culture, we will not have true liberty either until we decide to give up control. We need to shut our mouths and actually listen to people for what they are actually saying. We need to be ok with them not agreeing with us. And we need to give people the freedom to make their own decision. It can definitely be scary when everyone seems to be making a different decision than you. But I think we would be surprised by the impact we can ACTUALLY have once we finally decide to just listen.

Apple Watch Review

It's finally here! My Apple Watch! 

After spending a week with it, I thought I would let you all know how it's been working for me.

As a precursor, I thought I would let you know why I wanted the Apple Watch. First off, I had been using a Nike Fuel band for a long time (three years). While it motivated me to keep moving, it didn't track any fitness stats very accurately. I had debated on upgrading to a Fit Bit, but when I heard the announcement about the Apple Watch, I decided to hold out for it. I was interested in all the other non-fitness aspects of the watch, including the texting, navigating, and other apps I use on a daily basis as well as the health and fitness aspect of it. The Mickey watch face might have been a factor too!

Last Friday, I pretty much sat in front of my front window and watched through the rain for the UPS man. Jared and I had a wedding to attend that night, and yet I wanted to get a run in with my new watch. Literally, as I'm resigning myself to run without it and pushing in the settings on my treadmill, the UPS man came! Within 10 minutes, my watch was unwrapped (with lots of pomp and circumstance haha) and set up and I was literally off and running! I used the native running app and it seemed to work great. That night, it tracked all the fun dancing and walking we had that night. It was awesome!

Getting to know my activity app!

The battery came only halfway charged and so I didn't get a chance to see how a typical day would drain the batteries until Monday. After using it for a run, extensive navigation, texting and taking phone calls, I drained the battery to 4% at midnight. The rest of the days were pretty typical with a couple of errands with navigation, a run, and activity tracking, then texting and maybe one phone call. I only got down to 20%. I was actually able to eek out two days worth of use on one charge between Wednesday and Thursday! It charges really fast as well. If I take care of the battery well like I do with most of my electronics, I think I will not have much issues with it dying on me. Sure I have to charge it most every night, but that's not a big deal in my book for the amount of awesomeness I'm getting through the day.

Speaking of which, it's pretty fantastic to use. A surprising thing I didn't think I would love so much is the ability to change watch faces! I can change moods in an hour, a day, a week and whatever functionality I need. I can have all my watch faces saved and can switch them out with an easy flick of my finger. THIS IS SO COOL. I can also easily start navigating to any appointments by just clicking the watch face and force tapping for directions. It's pretty snazzy.

One day I can use Mickey

Next I can use the modular!

I can text and take phone calls without having my phone plastered to me all day. When I'm shopping for something and Jared gives me specifics on what to buy, I can just look at my watch and see what I need. I used Apple Pay for the first time at Sprouts after church it was like a real life Disney magic band! I was giddy. I can check my budget at a glance, see how my Etsy store is doing and control my Apple TV all from my watch face. My watch alerts me to drink my water, move, stand, reminds me when its time to leave for an appointment and I don't miss and alert like I used to with my phone! I love being able to check the weather quickly and have actually been really surprised with how good my heart is actually doing now that I have accurate measurements. All that running is paying off! While I'm not surprised with the limited number of apps that have come out for the Apple Watch, I am excited for the potential. Hello geocaching on my watch and using Waze!

My small yet powerful world of apps

I know many were upset that the watch didn't have native GPS. I, however, don't really mind that I need to have my phone close to do many things on the watch. I never run without my phone anyways as it is my safety beacon to my family. Sometimes, I just need to get my phone out and check email, look at Pinterest, or update my calorie intake. But as far as having all my alerts and info I need to see quickly on my wrist, this watch definitely meets the standard I expect.

Love being able to scroll through all my notifications quickly!

Now for some downfalls. The navigation is awesome. I love that I can just feel tapping on my wrist when it's time to turn. However, the native maps for Apple are just nowhere near to the superiority that is Waze. Driving to a new part of downtown, I got rerouted by unexpected construction and in another drive, got caught in some heavy traffic that I could have probably avoided using Waze. Secondly, the calibration for the GPS using the native outdoor run was WAY off. My normal 3 mile route that I mapped out at home and run often only showed up as 2.6 miles on the native Apple app. Nike Running has their app rolled out however and it's spot on with knowing my running calibrations already. While Nike is notorious for their bugs in the app (sometimes I have a hard time figuring out how to start the run...do I need to do it from my phone or from the watch???) it's still a great app to track runs! I didn't see a way in the manual to calibrate the native workout app. So that's a disappointment to me.

Loving the Nike App

Disappointed in the native workout app

But overall, I give the watch a two thumbs up! I'm looking forward to other third party apps rolling out their Apple Watch features and making the watch way more awesome. Soon, Jared might get one too and I can send him cutesy doodles on a whim haha. It's a serious upgrade for me from my Nike fuel band, and a definitely overall awesome birthday present that makes my whole day pretty awesomely convenient!

Running Your Mind While Your Body Is Running

When I was training for my marathon, I learned very quickly that this meant LONG hours out on the trails and roads. For me, I love music. It makes my heart jump for joy with the right song and chills me out when I start getting stressed. But any playlist, when it goes for hours on end, can get a bit monotonous. When I couldn't find enough songs that made the long hours of running bearable, that's when I found podcasts!

What made me fall in love with podcasts is the part of my personality that constantly loves to learn. Thing is, I don't have time to sit down and read up on all the latest news as I am usually constantly on the move. Then I found out that many of my favorite pastors put their sermons online in the form of a podcast. As I started listening to these, I actually began to crave the long runs so that I could listen to them. By the time I was done with my runs, it wasn't my body that was just feeling refreshed, but my mind and spirit.

Since then, I have started listening to podcasts all the time. I listen to them while I drive, clean, craft, cook, garden, and of course, run! My repertoire of what I listen to while I work has expanded dramatically too. So here's my favorite podcasts and the links so that you can listen to them too!

The Mark Davis Show - a local news talk show. It helps me keep up with the news and issues being discussed in my community!

The Glenn Beck Program - Highly entertaining as it is informational, I enjoy listening to them talk about national issues. I consider it my American duty to keep up with what is going on and be an informed voter!

The Survival Podcast - not only does it talk about good things to be prepared for like ice storms and blackouts,  but it also talks a ton about gardening and permaculture. I learn something every time I listen!

Stuff You Should Know - Purely educational, they bring a different topic to each show and discuss what it is, history behind it and if applicable, the science behind it! They talk about everything from pirates to muppets. You will definitely learn!

Harvest Eating Podcast - Chef Snow talks about how to cook locally and seasonally on this podcast. He doesn't just give recipes, but teaching cooking techniques too!

Brant and Sherri Podcast - by far my favorite of them all. Brant used to be a DJ on a radio station we listen to and his quirky and fun insights into Christianity and the love God has for us always makes the runs I have more awesome!

The Pocket Lenses Podcast - This podcast is awesome as it teaches how to take great photos without the ginormous DSLR cameras people have. From point and shoot to cell phones, my photography has already improved!

PodCacher Podcast - When it comes to geocaching, this is the place to get your news, tips and tricks and fun interviews with other podcachers! Always love their weekly shows!

The Gun Show Podcast - I love this podcast as they don't worry about being "polished" and "radio professional" and just tell it like it is. From training to new guns to news, this is the place I love to listen and learn from!

Breakaway Ministries - Jared and I were shaped by this on-campus bible study while attending Texas A&M University and it is awesome that technology allows us to still listen today. I always learn and grow spiritually while listening to Ben Stewart or any of the guest speakers!

The Mickey Miles Podcast - How can I be a Disney runner and not listen to a Disney running podcast?? This podcast is awesome as they answer listener questions and discuss events and news in the world of RunDisney.

The WDW Radio Podcast - This is the podcast that makes me the happiest on my runs. While I'm digging deep in mile 9 of my run, Lou Mongello is describing and talking about anything and everything Disney. Makes the times I'm not at my second home much more bearable!

Whew! What a list! I hope there is something for everyone on this list that you can add to your podcast repertoire. Now excuse me while I go listen to one as I vacuum the house!

Glutenous Maximus

I had the amazing opportunity to take dance lessons growing up. It kept me active and socially involved even though my body frame wasn't an "ideal" for a dancer. One of my teachers, Ms. Jennie, was my favorite. Instead of telling us to "tuck our butts in" and keep our back straight, she would refer to it as our "Gluteus Maximus" as the word "Butt" was not appropriate for a lady to say.

I think of her often now as the word "Gluteous" sounds similar to my made up word "Glutinous," which I now use to describe to the main diet of many Americans today.

Yes. I'm one of those people that has to eat gluten free. And yes, when I tell you that at Pie Five, I really do need you to change your gloves because it really could make me sick and I really appreciate it when you do! I was crushed when I had to start my gluten free diet cold turkey. I instantly (relatively, over the course of a few days) felt better and had more energy. But I was depressed because (believe it or not) I couldn't have Oreos.

More than the fact that I couldn't have oreos, I was depressed because I didn't know what I could eat. All I knew was I got a huge list from the doctor of things I couldn't eat and I was living like a rabbit for a week or so...munching lettuce and drinking smoothies. Thankfully, after a couple of tearful episodes of self pity, my husband and I took to the internet and found some great gluten free recipes and products that we could find at our local HEB.

So if you are thinking of going gluten free for whatever reason, think about these things:

1. The price. Going gluten free can be expensive. This was the hardest for my husband as he don't like spending more than $2.00 a unit on any food product. But, if you stick to non-processed food (aka...things that are naturally gluten free) it can actually be quite affordable. When you start buying gluten free bread and pizza crusts and cookies, it will get much more pricey. Stick to corn and rice as your grains as they are much more affordable and readily found!

2. Gluten is found everywhere! While the obvious source is wheat, there is gluten in a ton of chemically processed foods. It is basically like "edible glue" that food manufacturers use to add different flavors to food. You can find it in deli meats, canned food, candy coatings, cereal and pretty much anything that says "Natural and/or Artificial Flavor." When in doubt, I use my new favorite app called Fooducate! It's $5.00 but it has saved me several headaches when I was about to buy that Kraft cheese or canned chicken broth!

3. Keep it sustainable. I preach that these things are meant to be a marathon and not a sprint. I have been gluten free for almost three years now and in those three years, I have had lots of chocolate, bread and candy...things not normally found on a gluten free diet! But thankfully, we now have lots of options for people that have to eat gluten free (including Oreos!). Even if they are a little pricey, they make their way into my shopping cart every once in a while as my treat for the month. 80/20 rule is crucial...eat 80% of what is good for you and 20% of what makes you happy, even if it might cost a little more. The other side of that is make sure you are getting all the nutrients you need. I keep a food log not just for the calories, but also for the nutrient info. It's a tendency for people who eat gluten free to not get all their needed nutrients. So, I try to keep track of what I'm deficient in and adjust accordingly week to week.

I hope this helps you start thinking about how to start and maintain your gluten free lifestyles. Feel free to ask questions if you need help! I'm not a doctor, but I've figured out how to make this work for me and my family!

Do you have any great tips for eating gluten free?

So I've recently been out of the loop on blogging. For good reason! It's been a bit of an introspective season of my life. I'm learning to be discreet with my words, including blogging, and not just spewing out dirty laundry whenever I feel like it.

I have been learning something very important though. I have talked about having dreams and longings that God has put deep in my heart. I greatly wish for people to get to know Jesus, especially kids. I long for women who have been broken by he sin of this world to have their hope restored by Him. I long to push myself and do things that I never thought I could in order to push my faith and keep myself constantly depending on God to show me the way.

All these dreams are good and in my eyes, worthy of pursing. I have taken the time to mull them over in my mind. Set up reminders of what my dreams are in my room. I've internalized them and set up my life around them.

But no one told me what happens when you take your dreams from that lofty space in your head and then try to birth them into the world.

The world has humans in it and therefore, is messy.

People either try to tell you your dream isn't good or worth pursuing. "It's a waste of time and talent!" Situations can place obstacles in your way that you have to overcome. There might be people who oppose your dream and directly try to stop it.

But what I've learned is that the important thing about bringing dreams into the world is focus. It's so easy to get caught up in the things that are impeding your dream that you focus on those rather than why you started the process of bringing your dreams into reality. Recently, I had a Sunday at church where everything seemed to be going wrong. While we had a "great" weekend as far as programing and tons of kids, I considered the weekend a miss because I focused on all the things that went wrong instead of pushing on and focusing on connecting to the parent's and kids that God brought to church that morning. I can get so focused on all the things that don't go right, that I forget to do the thing that I came to do in the first place!

This is the mentality that makes or breaks dreams. When I first started running, I thought that I had to follow a training schedule perfectly. And if I missed a workout, then the whole dream was ruined because I didn't do it perfectly. But that's the mentality the devil wants us to have when it comes to furthering the Kingdom of God. God doesn't demand perfection. He just asks for you to bring everything that you have. He then takes your natural and makes it supernatural.

So as you pursue your dreams, whether it be training for a big race or changing the world, don't forget to keep the vision of your dream the focus of your work. Don't get distracted by what isn't going the way you want it to. Simply bring you best, and let God do the rest!

New Directions

Gorgeous sunshine at the park!

Hi everyone! Last post I was pretty down. Struggling with post marathon blues and the eternal winter going on. But recently, the sun has come out! The air is warmer and as I've been getting my usual doses of Vitamin D now, my mood has warmed up considerably as well! There is nothing like the hope of spring and great weather to lift anyone's spirits!

What has also helped, is that I am also realizing where and what I am supposed to be doing next. The last two years have been marked by my steady pursuit of my first marathon. From not being able to run for more than 30 seconds, I conquered health problems and mental blocks to overcome my fear of pain from running. In the meantime, I overcame many other fears, literally anything from guns to gardening. So as I am sitting here post marathon, I don't think I'm done overcoming fears yet. However, a new idea has been forming in my head, and let's just say I have a ton of growing up to do.

Ever since I can remember, I haven't given a whole ton of thought to other people's perception of me. All I knew, was I wanted to be different from everyone else. I recognized a culture deficit going on and I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I liked doing my own thing, regardless of what people thought of me.

Now that I'm older and I have great people speaking into my life, I'm recognizing that sometimes, this desire to be different comes off different than I intend. People have said to me that sometimes I seem stand-off-ish, and until they got to know me, they thought I didn't like them. While I brushed off these comments a few years ago, they are coming back up in my head.

I've always said that I'm basically 8 years old at heart (Jared is 5 haha). I say that because I remember that age where everything seemed wonderful and enjoyable and new, and I want that spirit to be with me as an adult. But I recently heard someone say that you need to be 2/3 adult and 1/3 kid, and you have to be careful not to flip it around. So I'm realizing, that my 8 year old self that just wants to be different and satisfy my craving to explore the world is getting in the way of my authentic relationships. And while I won't get to know everyone that I meet "deeply," I never want them to look at me and say, "She doesn't like me." The old me would say, "Well, they should just stick around and find out the truth." But the newer, questioning me says, "But why would they if someone else seems so much more inviting?"

So to sum up what I've been learning, is that maturity is knowing the fine line of being aware of how people perceive you, without letting everyone's opinions determine your personality. If I look at someone and judge whether or not I want to try to be friends with them, I would be naive to think that they don't do the same to me. The truth is, I love making new friends. But the other truth is, I tend to not show that on the outside. The truth is, I want people to know Jesus. But how can they get to know that if I seem selfish or self absorbed?

So I'm going to work on maturing myself, making sure the way people perceive me matches what is actually going on inside. I have no idea how to do this yet, but thank goodness I have a ton of training miles to sort it all out!

We Get Permission to Fail!

I had the most interesting experience yesterday. We had a run scheduled (Tempo Intervals: 2000m with a 400m recovery three times in case anyone was really wondering). I laced up my kicks and grabbed my dog and my husband and I hit the pavement. But as we made it to the park, we found it incredibly crowded! Families of all sizes were out with their shiny new bikes and scooters. Puppies were being walked. Kids were playing in the trails. Soccer games were being played. It was beautiful. I didn't mind that I had to run on the grass often. I was just glad to see everyone out enjoying a beautiful day instead of watching TV on their couches.

We even saw one of my best friends Ashely! You may have heard how awesome she is in an earlier blog post. She was out running too and I was so glad to give her a big sweaty hug! We briefly talked (we're on our runs right?) and as we left, she announced, "Professional runners! Coming through!"

We laughed and I assured her, she's a professional too. But I started looking around and realizing many people out here are starting their "New Years Fitness Plan." They are going to ride their bike, run or walk x amount of days in a week and lose x amount of pounds. My beat up kicks were looking pretty worn out compared to some of the white new sneakers some people were wearing. What started whirring in my head is the question.

"If this is what people's new year resolutions are, how long will it last?"

I have felt different come this new years. I am not starting a new fitness plan, but cumulating a year and a half of training for a marathon. I'm on my third pair of sneakers and the new ones are already not new. And I didn't start this goal at the new year of 2012. I started it in August. Which makes no sense if you know about the heat in Texas in August.

But I stuck with it. So what was it that kept me working a year and a half later to get me to this point? As I mulled it over, I felt like it might help someone out there.

1. I felt that this journey was a calling from Jesus. You may think I'm crazy for saying that. But if you have read my past blog posts, you will realize that I've held this belief from the beginning. I believe that after thinking so negatively for so long, God challenged me to try. He gave me all the equipment I need...I just needed to trust him and go do it.

For once in my life I had goals. It gave me purpose and direction. That purpose and direction in my physical life overflowed into every other aspect of my life. It's a strange, supernatural phenomena. But because I listened to God in my fitness, I was able to hear him more clearly in the rest of my life. What I found is that Jesus gave us a purpose to live, no matter what area of life we are talking about. Jesus said trust Him and and love people. As I ran and wondered what I was doing, I decided to trust God and pray for people that I passed. I found that to be key to keeping me running and key to me making progress in every other goal I've made in day to day life.

2. It's ok not to be perfect. In the past I've made new years resolutions and when I fail on doing it perfectly, I give up all together. When people create art, do you think they do it perfectly from beginning to end? Of course not. That's why we have erasers for pencils and the ability to paint over things! But if an artist gave up the moment they made a mistake on their art pieces, they would never finish some of the beautiful artwork that inspires us today. In fact, some of the mistakes become inspirations to take the art to a totally higher level than they were expecting.

When I train, I don't do all my workouts! I miss some because life happens. I have found it key to forgive myself for missing a workout and getting right back on the workout wagon whenever I can to making sure I stick with my training plan and complete my goals.

What's even better, is that the Bible tells us that we have hope that God will forgive our sins. If you truly trust in Jesus, we can have full confidence that when we fail fighting sin and bad patterns in our lives (that we try to correct with new years resolutions), it will be forgiven and we can start again! The freedom to fail gives us the hope to fight against the sinful parts of our lives!

3. Christ will help us in our fight...if we ask him. I remember some of the early runs and I'm dying at the end. My legs are spent and I can't breathe. I used to repeat over and over in my head "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."And you know, I made it through the run. Ironically, I do the same thing whether it's a three mile run or a twenty mile run. I hold the same conviction that Jesus is the source of my hope and my faith and He supernaturally helps in one way or another.

When we come across times where we can't seem to break cycles or the running gets tough or a relationship seems eternally broken, we can ask for help. If we trust God and love people and truly believe that as sons and daughters of Christ that our sins are forgiven, the supernatural will occur in our lives and we will see Christ come through in the fight.

So as you make your resolutions (and I think you should) I hope that you think about the fact that you are launching into something that hopefully, you can sustain longer than just a year. Hopefully, you can trust God to guide you and to build upon your faithfulness.

And remember, 2 Timothy says that even if we are unfaithful, God remains faithful because he cannot deny himself!

Happy New Year everyone.

Things I've Learned From My Dog

She's cuddly. She's furry. She begs for all of my food. She's my loveable, adorable dog.

But the story of what I've learned from Duchess, goes way further back. Back to before I even was thinking where I'd go to college or who I'd marry.

My mom got me involved in dance. I think the incessant dancing naked around the house with my towel as my cape after baths (while listening to Disney songs) tipped her off about my love for dance. That love for dance turned into dance class almost every day of the week, for about two or three hours each day. Even though I constantly looked at the clock during class to see when it was time to go, I think this exercise routine really prepped my body for doing high intensity workouts for long periods of time.

After I had to quit dance due to my over-commitment to extra curricular activities, I still exercised. While band required me to spend two hours every day in the sun, I began to get involved in running. I had always wanted to be a runner. But when I'd go try to reenact my Pocahontas "Colors of the Wind" routine, I'd always be winded just by running a few steps. Back then, 10 minutes of running/walking around the small pond was, in my opinion, a difficult workout. I'd do Pilates, kickboxing with mom, walking and weight lifting, but running was always my secret ambition.

College brought along sporadic running with my roommates, but nothing to really be consistent about. And with busy schedules during the summer of my junior and senior year, exercise had really fallen off the radar. It was an occasional blip on the horizon.

So when we got Duchess, we knew that she would be a big ball of energy. I mean, just look at her when she was a puppy!

She's 10 weeks old in this picture!

It was love at first sight!

Jared and Duchess playing!

But I was excited about her being a giant fluffy energy ball. I knew that it was going to force me to take her on walks and be active. I wanted to get back to being active and moving! But when we took her on these walks, we quickly realized this husky/lab pup liked walks. But what she really loved, was running.

So as she got older, Jared and I started an exercise routine with her. We would go run in the neighborhood, working on just being able to run a mile without walking. Duchess would be so happy on runs. Even today, she gets so excited she just pulls us along. We just have to move our feet to go forward. She thinks she's a sled dog. She loves it when we run "in formation" with her in front and dead center of Jared and I. When it's just Duchess and I, she loves running right beside me.

I'm often chasing these two on our runs!

But as my dream for running a marathon grew, she became a part of that training process. When I wanted to just sit on the couch, she would be so disappointed if we didn't get out there and run.

Mom? Are we going running today?

She's so excited to go running!

She trained right along side me. We started out with those 30 second intervals a year and a half ago, and now she's doing up to 10 miles with me in the blistering 32 degree winter wind (5 if it's hot!). We come home from those long runs, and she wants to play as if we didn't just cover some serious milage!

She's post-run cooling in front of the fan...

...five minutes later, she wants to play!

Tug of war is her favorite!

What I've learned from her is that running is supposed to be fun. When we first start to run, she looks back at me with that little happy trot and it's like she's telling me this is the best thing ever! She's become the best running buddy ever. She loves to run so much, it makes me smile and makes those long, solo runs more enjoyable.

Post run shenanigans in the car!

Second thing I've learned from her, is to see the world with wonder. We almost always see a bobcat or armadillo on our runs (sometimes raccoons!) and she thinks these animals are new found friends. She gets to excited to try to meet them. Poor dog doesn't realize that's not a good idea, but that's not the point. Even if it's a person on rollerblades, she thinks every new thing is a fantastic, new experience and she gets so excited to meet new people and do new things.

That leads me into the next thing I've learned from Duchess. She loves people. She's learned to "defend the fortress" when we are home, but she loves meeting all the people we pass in the parks and loves kids! We often stop and let kids pet her and she gets so many compliments from people passing by on how pretty she is. I wish I could love people as unconditionally as her.

Turkey Trot this year, she's wondering when we can start running and meeting new dogs!

So as we are in the final preparations of our marathon training and in the peak week with our 20 mile run (that she won't get to join us on) I have to say I love this dog. She's an amazing friend and companion through all the crazies of life. She has taught me so much about running and loving people. She's become the catalyst to help me dream and stick to my marathon training when I wanted to quit. I wish I could give her a medal or something for all the miles she's put in with me. But let's be honest. She's a dog. And I think she would rather just have me take her out on a bonus run as a reward. :)

When Doubt Creeps In

It's been a rough couple of weeks.

Nothing drastically bad has happened. I just have had small things happen over the last few weeks. But we all know that these small things can build up and become big monsters in no time.

First small things that have happened have been with Redeemed. In this case it's things not happening. Churches backing out on us coming to talk to them, people flaking out on things they committed to, etc. I was really excited about some of these things happening and the fact that they didn't' work out really bummed me out.

Second thing that has been happening is kinda good. Jared and I started going through Financial Peace together. We are not in financial crisis by any standard. However, we have learned a whole bunch. Yet, when we talk about things that need to get paid for or things that we want to do and we can't afford them, it's another small let down. Can I survive without participating in the Turkey Trot this year? Sure I can. Can we survive without eating out? Absolutely. And we probably will be better off without it. But when it seems all my husband worries about when we go out is the bottom line of "how much is this going to cost us," it really makes time together a bummer. We've since discussed this and make an agreement on how to change it (which is why I'm ok with telling whoever reads this about this conflict in my marriage). What's bumming me out though is that Jared and I have had several talks recently. Really deep ones. We've talked out so many things recently and I think we have reached a new level of understanding each other. I just sometimes feel like I am a bad wife.

This leads into the third thing that happened. Jared turned 25! I was so pumped for him. He was getting new shirts, boots for work, tons of birthday cards and tons of money (yay!) that I hoped made him feel special. However, I wasn't able to really do anything this year. This is a big deal for me because I usually am scheming a month out on surprises and fun things to do. But this year, I didn't want to spend that much money and I didn't have the time to devote to it like I have in the past. Add in Jared had to work on his birthday and all I could really do was tell him happy birthday and smile, and hopefully go to a restaurant he liked (which didn't happen either). To see the disappointment on his face made me feel like the worst person ever.

As a personality that bases most of my value on results, I feel pretty let down. I have many doubts right now that have been playing in the back of my head. I'm a terrible wife. I am not qualified enough to lead an anti-human trafficking organization. I'm not a good friend to those I love. I'm terrible with money. All my insecurities have come creeping up and causing me to doubt everything.

So the question is, what do I do with the doubt? What do I do with the insecurity and the heartache and the anxiety? As passionate as a person I am, my highs are really high yet my lows can be all-consuming.

So today, I broke out my first love, music. I pulled out the guitar my parents lovingly bought me for Christmas a few years ago and I found myself having my own mini-worship time. It's been forever since I played and I was surprised at how much my fingers remembered where to go and how steady I was able to keep my strumming. I love my guitar and the tone matches my voice amazingly. After revisiting some of my old favorites I used to play when I led worship, I decided to teach myself a new song. The first song that came to mind was "Oceans" by Hillsong.

The first time I heard this song, I was at church alone. Jared was out at work and we had just had a disagreement. It's crazy how you can be in a crowd of people and feel so isolated. I felt so alone. When they played this song I cried my eyes out. The words in the bridge just pierced my heart.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

I have asked God to use me and call me to places that people have never been to yet. I've asked for him to teach me how to love him more and rely on him for everything. As I was teaching myself how to play this song today I realized I'm in that place right now. I'm stretching and growing. God is the only one who is going to take my ministry, my marriage and my relationships and make them into the beauty God designed them to be.

As a results oriented person, I realized that what I have to do is just rest in God. Do my part and then rest it in his hands. And when doubt creeps in, all I can do is sing this chorus to him.

"I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine"

I find that so comforting to know that if everything goes south, if everything crumbles, if everything just falls apart, God still loves me, still has a plan for me. I'm not just a pawn that is thrown out when I'm used, I'm cherished and I am loved. God loves me just the same has he loves everyone. He loves me the same way he loves everyone all the way back to Adam and Eve.

So I don't know what else to say but I hope that in my vulnerability, in my openness and at my low points, God can speak to you and let you know that the same goes for you. When doubt creeps in and you have those questions, know that you are loved no matter the outcome.



Hillsong United - Oceans (Live) from Hillsong Church on Vimeo.

You are a Treasure

Hello everyone! I hope you all are having as beautiful fall weather as we have been.

We just recently got the opportunity to go camping. It was amazing! We went to Lake Mineral Wells and it reminded me of my childhood a bit, camping with my dad and other Indian Princesses with the YMCA. While it was a bit on the chilly side, we enjoyed our time hiking and spending time together. Some of the views of the lake we had were breathtaking and the sunsets were some of the prettiest colors. I love waking up in the middle of the night and seeing stars shining through the ceiling of the tent. Not to mention the amazing food you get to eat on camping trips (hello s'mores!).

While we were out there, we took the time to assess what's going on in our lives. We ask each other what we are learning, what we like and dislike, how can we make things better. The whole time we were out there, I was constantly asking God what was he trying to teach me? What was new that I needed to hear?

Thing is, there wasn't anything new. But what kept coming to my head was the amazing love that God has for us. I've recently wondered about the people that robbed our house. If I had a son, would I be willing to let him die to save the murderers that came into our house and stole our security? Honestly, I wouldn't be able to. Momma bear would come out and protect my son at all costs. But that's what God sees when he looks at us. He sees a bunch of murderers, adulterers, liars, thieves and worriers. But he was willing to give up what was most precious to him in order to save us.

I recently discovered that I had been taught a parable wrong. For the longest time, I heard the parables of what the kingdom of heaven is like:

Matthew 13:44-46

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure, hidden in a field, that a person found and hid. Then because of joy he went and sold all that he had and bought that field.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant searching for fine pearls. When he found a pearl of great value, he went out and sold everything he had and bought it." 

For the longest time, I read these out of context and didn't associate it with the surrounding text. I had been taught that this is how we should treat God. God is like a treasure or a pearl hidden in a field. Once we find him, we should give up everything for him. 

This is of course, really hard for humans to do. We love our TV, our food, our friendships, our jobs, our houses and to give up everything for Him is something not easily attained. Even if it is attained, I feel like a little bit of resentment sets in, especially when hard times hit. 

But the beauty of this passage is that it doesn't talk about our relationship towards God. This passage talks about God's relationship to us.

Add in the last parable:

Matthew 13:47-50

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was cast into the sea that caught all kinds of fish. When it was full, they pulled it ashore, sat down, and put the good fish into containers and threw the bad away. It will be this way at the end of the age. Angels will come and separate the evil from the righteous and throw them into the fiery furnace, ⁶²  where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

When we add this parable in, we see that God is the one doing the acting. God is the one finding the treasures and the pearls and selling everything for them. God is the one that is catching the fish and bringing ones who have accepted his gift of eternal life into heaven. These passages tell us that God finds us as valuable as treasure. As beautiful as pearls. He gave everything up for us. He didn't do it because he had to. He did it because he loves us. Add in, God isn't the one hidden! God is right there, pursuing us. Wanting a relationship with us!

How wonderful is it to realize that God isn't demanding everything of us in order to follow him? He wants to meet us where we are and treats us like gold, no matter where in life we are. From personal experience, I have found the more I walk with him the more I grow to love him and allow him to change every bit of me. I talked about dreams in my previous blog. God took my small dreams and exchanged them for big, abundant dreams. I know that he will never give me a dream that he won't work out in due time. 

You may not feel like gold. You may feel dirty because you know God wouldn't approve of things in your life. But he doesn't hold those against you like some tally sheet. He values you way more than he values your shortcomings. When God chooses people in the Bible, he doesn't choose good people who happen to mess up later. He chooses messed up people in the first place and they happen to keep continuing to mess up, just because they are human! But God uses them and we still talk about the amazing things they did today!

My encouragement to you today is to hold on to the fact that God loves you. He values you more than you believe. He knew you couldn't overcome the debt that you have for your sins and so he sent the only person that could pay your debt. It's the unwavering theme of laying one's life down for love that we find in life and it's nothing new. But it is still as profound today as the first time we hear it!