But I think you will like it.
The song in question is called "Say Something," by A Great Big World. It's a beautiful yet slightly haunting melody that I just can't get enough of.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.Immediately, I see two people, not unlike Jared and myself, who are at the end of a particularly frustrating argument. If it's me singing it, it's probably because I've done all the talking and I'm just yearning for him to engage. I'll be his girl, if he wants it. I will follow him anywhere, just like I have in the past. But I need that connection. I need him to talk with me.
And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.
And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.
Here we see expectations meeting reality. The enormity of the anger, frustration, sadness and loneliness in the relationship is causing me to feel so incapable of solving it. I had expectations of love, but I obviously was naive to think that it would be like what I expected.
But hey. I realize I'm going to mess up. This is my first (and hopefully only) marriage. I'm going to mess up. Just like a toddler, I have to learn to walk before I can run.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.
When I feel like I'm getting no response, my corresponding reaction is that I can't communicate with you. My feelings are not getting heard, just causing more pain, more grief, more doubt that I could ever help make this work. So instead of getting hurt more, I'm just going to say goodbye.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...
And yet, even after all the hurt, all the anguish, I repeat myself just one last time. I still hold out hope that I can somehow, someway, get a positive response...
While I relate to this song on a level in my marriage primarily, I've been thinking that this is much like my friendships sometimes. I'd venture to say, this pops up in almost any relationship of any sort. People we love sometimes don't realize how much we crave their interaction, their affection or their support in our lives and we just cry out in angst for someone to say something, anything, where we don't feel alone. It can be heightened by social media, where we can have so many "friends" yet feel so alone at home.
But as Christmas rolls around and it heightens our sensitivity to our social relationships, I think this song touches a much deeper level of need that people are seeking. In reality, we are looking for unconditional love. Yet, we are seeking it from humans whom are incapable of it.
Now we have all heard that God loves us. But it's a ton easier to believe that God exists rather than believe that an all powerful being cares about me and my going-ons personally. It's hard to believe that he cares about my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. It's hard to believe that he's as interested in hearing about my day at work as he is about orphans in Africa.
But that's the truth. And yet, sometimes it's so hard to feel that love. It's so hard to feel it and believe it, especially in the hardest and most painful circumstances. It's at that point that we yell out, "Say something!" to God, hoping that we get a burning bush or a parting of the sea to show us his power. We doubt. We say I would have followed you. Yet because I cannot feel you or see any inkling of your interaction with me, I'm giving up on you.
Maybe you have had this kind of interaction with God. Now, Christmas is just a reminder of that struggle with God and the feelings of being alone. But what you have to realize is that during a storm, all you can see are the clouds and the thunder and lightning. It gets really dark and dangerous as the storm builds and starts dumping water everywhere.
When I went running the other day, it was raining at the beginning. But after an hour or so of running through the rain and the cold, the rain stopped, the clouds moved and the sun came out. That got me thinking. Just because it's storming doesn't mean the sun isn't there. It's just hidden. Get in a plane (if it's safe) and pop up through the clouds and it's there. Shining as ever, giving a warm glow. In a life storm, all you may see are the dark and rainy parts. The lighting may frighten you and the thunder may be loud, but God's still there, behind the storm. He will never leave you. The song we may sing in our anguish is, thankfully, not his song.
His song can be found in 2 Timothy chapter 2:
"If we died with him, we will also live with him.
If we endure, we will also reign with him.
If we deny him, he will also deny us.
If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, since he cannot deny himself."
God will always remain faithful, even if we say goodbye to him due to our unbelief. He is love. He is grace. He came to Earth on Christmas to bring you hope that you are not alone in the storm. You are not alone in your struggle or your anguish. You do not have the bear the burdens of your destructive behavior you have now. God came to give himself as a gift to the world. It's like a present under the tree. It's been paid for and wrapped, all you have to do is accept it for your own.
If Jesus were to rewrite some of this song, I think he would say
Say something, I'm coming to you.
I love you and I give my life for you.
Anywhere, I'm always with you.
Say something, yet I'm not giving up on you.
