Moses and Me

So I have had several awesome things happen over the last couple of days that I really wanted to share with you all! I mentioned in my last post that I was dealing with a ton of doubt. Doubt about myself, Redeemed, church, EVERYTHING it seemed. I was in a funk and having a hard time shaking it.

Well, I've had some great conversations with people. God's been connecting a ton of dots. It would take a long time to explain everything that has happened but God is opening small doors and providing hopeful avenues even when it seems there is no way.

The last few days I've been focusing on waiting and prayer. These are probably some of the hardest things for me to do! I'm a goal oriented, step by step process kind of girl! To not work and just wait for God and to talk to what I sometimes feel is thin air are two things that do not come to mind with someone like me who feels she needs to be doing something in order to feel like she's going somewhere. But, I've been learning a ton about prayer and hoping to get closet to God and on the same page. Not only am I asking him to change me into a person where I can listen better and trust better, but I'm praying that he make the paths for Redeemed straight and the barriers to be removed.

But it's been SLOW!

At the women's conference Monday where Redeemed was blessed with a table, I was able to sit in on the sessions. There, the speaker talked about waiting and she quoted 2 Peter 3:9

"The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."

I was like, "Ok, God. I feel like I am easy to lose hope in you. I easily try to do things myself because I don't feel you working. Help me in my unbelief. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I have doubt."

Today rolls around and I went for my run this morning. I listened to Breakaway Ministries where Ben Stewart talked about Moses and talking to the Pharaoh about letting the Israelites free. I realized that God had the power to defeat the Egyptians in one fell swoop. He could have done more supernatural plagues. Why would he tell Pharaoh that the judgement was coming? Why did he remove the plagues when Pharaoh asked? Why didn't he just skip to number 10 if that was what was going to set his people free?

I realized that God uses this pattern with the Israelites too in the prophets of the Bible. He constantly declared judgement and then deferred it when the people turned back to him. It wasn't until they had utterly renounced God that he gave them over to the Babylonians. If you look at God then, he was trying to be merciful to his people. He was trying to get them to repent of their ways and extend them grace. But notice that he never gave up on them. He rescued them from their bondage again and ultimately sent Jesus to save them forever.

If you look at the Pharaoh in that light, I believe that God was also attempting to show mercy to the Egyptians. Ben Stewart talked about how he knew that the "goings on" in Egypt were spread to the entire countryside and he wanted to make his name known. Not in an egotistical way, but because he knew he was what they needed.

God dragged out the process, which I know what frustrating for Moses and the Israelites. But the Bible says that a multitude went with the Israelites out of Egypt and I'm 90% certain that many Egyptians believed in God due to the plagues and went with the Israelites out of Egypt. God's name went out so far that even a prostitute named Rahab had heard of the God of the Israelites before they even arrived at the city walls. God's name went out so far, that centuries later, many who aren't even Christian know this story and can watch it in cartoon form in the "Prince of Egypt."

As I look at this and try to free people in my own culture, some obvious parallels occur. I feel like God is giving me the worst pep talk of the century. He's like, "I've put it on your heart to free these people, but you are going to encounter all these issues along the way." I'm starting to imagine what Moses felt like when God said, "Go tell Pharaoh to let my people go, but I'm going to harden his heart."

However, I believe that if God wanted to, he could free all the men, women and children being trafficked in the world this very instant. He has the power to do that. However, just like he has done for centuries, God likes to use people. It's his favorite medium to work with. God begins with relationships and even though I feel like he's dragging out the process and time is of the essence so no one has to be trafficked ever again, I believe God has a purpose. I believe he has a plan. I believe his name is going to be glorified because of the abolition of trafficking and I pray, that many see this work and accept his graceful love.

Am I frustrated? Yes. Am I patient? Not really. But do I trust?

Absolutely. Because he is faithful, even in my doubt.

I'm Struggling

Hi. My name is Madelyn and I'm struggling.

I know most of you are there probably are too. I deal with a ton of stuff at different times but here's what I've got going on now.

Jared is at training. I am super excited for him. I've watched him work for five years to get to this point in his life where he can finally put on a uniform and fly the planes I have seen him watch with longing as they fly over head. He has a ton of work ahead of him, but I have the confidence that he will do great.

Me on the other hand, am still stuck back home. Alone. I need to finish out a few things before we move. Problem is, until tomorrow, I haven't had anything planned. So I was put in a situation where I basically sit at home finishing a few projects and errands around the house before I go back and go to work.

Thursday was great. I had a ton of errands to run and things planned to do. I was motivated and kept myself busy and was able to be productive. Friday was a struggle but I managed to clean the apartment and get some packing done. Today, it's becoming unbearable. I have very little motivation to do anything and I am on the verge of crying for no reason while sitting in front of the TV.

Now don't get me wrong. I didn't just sit on my bottom all morning. I went and ran for two hours. I covered nine miles. It was tough. However, it was the mental strain more than the physical one that is really setting me back. I actually think it is running that is putting me into such a funk. It's such a flip flop from the usual endorphin kick I get from running.

Thursdays are usually a great running day for me. I have PR'ed my 5K for two weeks in a row on Thursdays. Last Thursday however, I walked a ton more because I realized I was lonely. Running started as a thing I was doing for myself. It turned into a journey I was taking along with my husband. Running on his favorite trail alone really crushed my spirit. It's taking a lot for me to admit that.

So today. I first of all, woke up early, which is a miracle for me. Secondly, I made it to the park and started. Miracle number two. I acknowledge that I did something amazing. I went further than I had ever run before and I ran longer than I had ever run before. Yet I am still disappointed in myself because I allowed myself to walk almost the entire 8th mile. I almost never walk when I train. I realized that when I feel tired or want to walk, I keep going because I feel like I'm chasing Jared. He is so much faster and stronger than me when it comes to running and I don't want to let him get too far ahead of me. Call me competitive but running is something we do together and it has brought us closer together. He inspires me to keep going when my body tells me, "quit." Today I didn't have that and when I felt tired or fatigued I didn't push myself. I feel like I let myself down because I know I'm capable of much more.

Parallel that to life and I feel like I'm letting myself down today because I spent two hours in front of the TV being absolutely unproductive. I have no motivation to do anything. Being alone and having nothing to work towards has really got me depressed. All I really do is want to sleep.

But you know what? If I allowed myself to just sit here and cry and mope, would I get any better? Heck no. Before Jared left he made me a blanket. Yes ladies and gentlemen. He learned how to use a sewing machine and made me the most simple yet amazing blanket to snuggle with when he is gone. And I thank the Lord for this because he gave me some of my own medicine for times just like this. He wrote verses on it for me that he knows are my favorite. One happens to be the verse that got me really on track with God in the first place back in my sophomore year of college.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind."
~ 2 Timothy 1:7

I've struggled with fear a ton, but right now I feel like I'm struggling with the sound mind part! I have this self destructive pattern of depression when I spend too much time by myself. I allow things to just get dirty and cluttered around me, I don't eat right, I spend way too much time watching TV and I never actually make a difference for the kingdom of God. What I am lacking, is a vision.

When people talk about visions, in my living sphere, they are talking about a vision of a church, or a ministry. But honestly, our lives themselves are a ministry and we need to have a vision for our lives too. People might confuse visions with goals, but visions are more than a goal. A vision never changes in the course of your life. Goals are written and achieved but a vision is an overarching reason to why we do what we do no matter what part of your life you are talking about. Jared and I have a vision for our marriage. We wrote it on our first wedding anniversary.

"To love God, love one another, and lead by example, showing Christ's love to those around us, in words, actions and character, so that others may find Him in us and through us."

I read that and it gives me so much peace to know that God gave me a man that leads me with that vision in mind! But before you go, "I could never come up with something like that to write" as much as I love our vision, it's really not that original. You can have a vision too. Let me explain.

The idea of having a personal vision is something I've heard as a theme in the teachings that I have been listening and reading for the past week now. I've heard people talk about Proverbs 29:18a, "When there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint," and when I think about the Old Testament, this is true! The Israeli nation would remember God's word and hold to it and things would be great. Then when they turned away they fell into captivity. But when Jesus came He came to fulfill the law, not condemn us by it. He came so that we would be able to have a relationship with Him and because of our relationship, we could understand and practice the foundational teachings the law gives us and therefore, live a life the way God designed it. What I think people don't realize is that Jesus gave us a vision to us when we left the Earth. A vision that we can personally apply to our lives that will never change no matter what stage in life you are living.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And remember,  I am with you  always, to the end of the age.”

~ Matthew 28:19-20 

And now many of you are going, "Maddie, really? The great commission? Isn't that a little old fashioned, VBS, kumbayah around the church campfire idealistic? How can we all travel to the ends of the earth being missionaries who don't make any money and expect to reach everyone?" And I'd say, yea. Sure. You are right in one sense, but wrong in another. However, if we think about it correctly, I think it can be very powerful.

I don't care if you travel all the way to Africa from Odessa, TX or never leave your condo in Miami. We are placed in a city, in a job, in a group of friends, in a gym class, in a bar, in wherever to show the love of Christ to those whom God is seeking (read: EVERYONE). Honestly, I think it's harder to witness in a corporate meeting in America than it is to go on a mission trip. Just saying. 

I started this blog to be an example of how God challenged me to see that I am more capable that I think I am. That I can handle all He has called me to be. I don't need to worry about the how. I don't need to go travel all over the world (although I want to haha). I just need to be obedient and faithful and have my vision at the forefront of my mind at all times. When I run past some bikers, or fellow runners or just someone having a picnic, I can say "Good morning!" If this is true and my God is who I say He is, that simple gesture can have a big impact! Even if I'm struggling now, I can always hold on to the hope and the love that my Savior has for me and show that to the world. And see? Now that I'm writing about it I'm already feeling better!

To end. As I've grown older one of my favorite passages in the Bible has been from Isaiah 40. It is the root of my inspiration to run and my vision for my life. I serve an awesome God and I hope that as I continue to run through the difficult times, you can see how much I love Him because of how much He loves us. 

The Lord Returns to Jerusalem

40:1 “Comfort, comfort my people,”

says your¹ God.

40:2 “Speak kindly to² Jerusalem,³ and tell her

that her time of warfare is over,⁴

that her punishment is completed.⁵

For the Lord has made her pay double⁶ for all her sins.”

40:3 A voice cries out,

“In the wilderness clear a way for the Lord;

construct in the desert a road for our God.

40:4 Every valley must be elevated,

and every mountain and hill leveled.

The rough terrain will become a level plain,

the rugged landscape a wide valley.

40:5 The splendor⁷ of the Lord will be revealed,

and all people⁸ will see it at the same time.

For⁹ the Lord has decreed it.”¹⁰

40:6 A voice says, “Cry out!”

Another asks,¹¹ “What should I cry out?”

The first voice responds:¹² “All people are like grass,¹³

and all their promises¹⁴ are like the flowers in the field.

40:7 The grass dries up,

the flowers wither,

when the wind sent by the Lord¹⁵ blows on them.

Surely humanity¹⁶ is like grass.

40:8 The grass dries up,

the flowers wither,

but the decree of our God is forever reliable.”¹⁷

40:9 Go up on a high mountain, O herald Zion!

Shout out loudly, O herald Jerusalem!¹⁸

Shout, don’t be afraid!

Say to the towns of Judah,

“Here is your God!”

40:10 Look, the sovereign Lord comes as a victorious warrior;¹⁹

his military power establishes his rule.²⁰

Look, his reward is with him;

his prize goes before him.²¹

40:11 Like a shepherd he tends his flock;

he gathers up the lambs with his arm;

he carries them close to his heart;²²

he leads the ewes along.

The Lord is Incomparable

40:12 Who has measured out the waters²³ in the hollow of his hand,

or carefully²⁴ measured the sky,²⁵

or carefully weighed²⁶ the soil of the earth,

or weighed the mountains in a balance,

or the hills on scales?²⁷

40:13 Who comprehends²⁸ the mind²⁹ of the Lord,

or gives him instruction as his counselor?³⁰

40:14 From whom does he receive directions?³¹

Who³² teaches him the correct way to do things,³³

or imparts knowledge to him,

or instructs him in skillful design?³⁴

40:15 Look, the nations are like a drop in a bucket;

they are regarded as dust on the scales.

He lifts³⁵ the coastlands³⁶ as if they were dust.

40:16 Not even Lebanon could supply enough firewood for a sacrifice;³⁷

its wild animals would not provide enough burnt offerings.³⁸

40:17 All the nations are insignificant before him;

they are regarded as absolutely nothing.³⁹

40:18 To whom can you compare God?

To what image can you liken him?

40:19 A craftsman casts⁴⁰ an idol;

a metalsmith overlays it with gold

and forges silver chains for it.

40:20 To make a contribution one selects wood that will not rot;⁴¹

he then seeks a skilled craftsman

to make⁴² an idol that will not fall over.

40:21 Do you not know?

Do you not hear?

Has it not been told to you since the very beginning?

Have you not understood from the time the earth’s foundations were made?

40:22 He is the one who sits on the earth’s horizon;⁴³

its inhabitants are like grasshoppers before him.⁴⁴

He is the one who stretches out the sky like a thin curtain,⁴⁵

and spreads it out⁴⁶ like a pitched tent.⁴⁷

40:23 He is the one who reduces rulers to nothing;

he makes the earth’s leaders insignificant.

40:24 Indeed, they are barely planted;

yes, they are barely sown;

yes, they barely take root in the earth,

and then he blows on them, causing them to dry up,

and the wind carries them away like straw.

40:25 “To whom can you compare me? Whom do I resemble?”

says the Holy One.⁴⁸

40:26 Look up at the sky!⁴⁹

Who created all these heavenly lights?⁵⁰

He is the one who leads out their ranks;⁵¹

he calls them all by name.

Because of his absolute power and awesome strength,

not one of them is missing.

40:27 Why do you say, Jacob,

Why do you say, Israel,

“The Lord is not aware of what is happening to me,⁵²

My God is not concerned with my vindication”?⁵³

40:28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is an eternal God,

the creator of the whole earth.⁵⁴

He does not get tired or weary;

there is no limit to his wisdom.⁵⁵

40:29 He gives strength to those who are tired;

to the ones who lack power, he gives renewed energy.

40:30 Even youths get tired and weary;

even strong young men clumsily stumble.⁵⁶

40:31 But those who wait for the Lord’s help⁵⁷ find renewed strength;

they rise up as if they had eagles’ wings,⁵⁸

they run without growing weary,

they walk without getting tired.

Ressurection

Today’s message is about restoration.

The Lord has been telling Israel about their sins, about all the destruction that was coming to them. He told them that they would be taunted and dragged away from their land by foreign nations. It’s gotten to the point where the Lord even says it will be so bad, parents will eat their children because they will be so hungry!

But the Lord takes a turn in Ezekiel 36. He starts foretelling the restoration of the people of Israel. He says, “I am furious that you have suffered shame before the surrounding nations.” Why is He furious? It’s because “I was concerned for my hold name, on which my people brought shame among the nations.” The Israelites had done evil, gone away from the ways of the Lord. They were no longer glorifying His name. What we have to realize here is that the Lord does not want people to glorify His name just because He has an ego. He want’s people to glorify His name because He made all things and knows the best way to live on the Earth. The Law Moses wrote had instructions on how to deal with disease and keep the nation clean long before the people ever knew about germs. If we do what He says in the Bible, we are living the way we should and pointing other people to the best way to live, which is by the glory of God.

The flip side of it, is He loves us! He is sad that His people have gone astray. You remember the whole “I hope they repent” part that I wrote about two days ago? God did not want His people to suffer, but they had to be punished for their actions. God is perfect and cannot be in connection to His people without their judgement being paid.

Here’s my favorite part:

“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.”

He is already telling the people of His plans for Jesus! Jesus provided the ultimate sacrifice that was finally enough for our sins and we are washed clean (symbolized by baptism) and we are given the Holy Spirit to guide us in our day to day lives.

But we have to be the first to initiate:

“I am ready to hear Israel’s prayers and to increase their numbers like a flock. They will be as numerous as the sacred flocks that fill Jerusalem’s streets at the time of her festivals. The ruined cities will be crowded with people once more, and everyone will know that I am the Lord.”

He is ready to take the dead and destroyed and revive it. But He has to hear their prayers first! Same thing goes for you and me. Have you prayed for God to restore what’s dead and destroyed in your life? Pray to Him and He will make it known that He is the Lord!