Love Wins

I have had the most draining, excruciating, gut-wrenching couple of weeks. If you have ever looked at your life and wondered why it seems like it’s always one thing after another, you understand how I feel.

I was all excited to go to College Station with Jared on Monday, when I got a call from Jared’s dad that one of his uncles died unexpectedly the night before. It was an uncle Jared was close to; one he grew up with, a fellow pilot and runner in the family. With that news my week saw me very anxious about telling Jared at the right time along with coordinating schedules, hotels and flights. I was so excited to see that side of the family, but got anxious about planning, making sure I had food I could eat, and making sure we planned for every possible scenario that could happen with Jared’s schedule.

But then, our worst scenario became reality. Jared got called in straight for New York. We had to leave the family early. I had to leave Jared early, without a ton of time to actually just be with him. I had to deal with my expectations for this week being so different than reality. I had to navigate the grief I feel for my family, the stresses of my work, the demands and drama of those I volunteer with/for and the sadness of Jared being gone and NOT getting to fly.

I wrote a blog a couple of days ago. It was very angry. I wrote about how I was upset that I had been at so many funerals and not many weddings. I was trying to figure out why that was. I saved it thinking I’d post it the following morning. But when I woke up, it didn’t sit right with me to post it.

I was blaming others for what was going on in my life. I was blaming my circumstances, my jobs and my perceived lack of support system. I was blaming others and how their choices were affecting me.

But to be honest, awful stuff happens. We live in a world, soaked in sin. People’s choices affect those around them all day every day, including my actions.

But, as Jared and I work together through his work schedule, things seem to get better and better. As I talk with my parents and friends and they pray for me and my work, I get the strength to do what needs to get done. And as I stood up to exit at the end of the funeral Saturday, and looked back at the hundreds of people who had showed up because they loved Jared’s uncle, I was awed.

Jared and I love each other enough to be committed, even when we have doubts about our marriage, our career choices and our future. My friends and family love me enough to listen to me vent and pray for me through the times I need it the most. And Uncle Cliff’s love for those around him brought hundreds to celebrate his life to show that God’s love through Uncle Cliff touched more lives than we knew.

I know life gets hard for all of us. We have seasons where things seem dark and dry. We don’t feel God close to us. We feel isolated from those around us as we think, “Who could possibly understand what we are going through?” We are tempted to give up, because we wonder who cares about our seemingly wasted efforts to bring life and love into such a broken world.

But we must remember that just because we can’t feel God close doesn’t mean he’s not there. Just because things are dark doesn’t mean they will be dark forever. You are not alone! God is with you and has placed people around you to go through this season with you. Our efforts are not wasted. They are seeds to bring glory to God in the perfect moment. Hold onto that as you go through whatever you have going on right now. You are loved by the one who created love.

And I read the end of the book. Love wins!