The Blank Page

I laugh every time I open a word document and click on the option for “blank page.”

There is nothing more exciting or daunting as a blank page.

The exciting part is that the blank page can become anything you want. It can become a story, a thought, an inspirational message or a crushing blow to someone all with a few simple words put on the page. It can be come a masterpiece of art. It can become a paper airplane for pete’s sake!

The daunting part is deciding what it is going to be. With so many possibilities, the deciding process can be stressful, daunting and just pain problematic. This is especially the case for me as a very creative person. I want the piece of paper to become something special. I don’t want to waste the piece of paper. I want the the piece of paper to be the best piece of paper in the world! But trying to decide what best to do with the piece of paper causes me writer/creativity block and makes me stressed out!

This has happened over the past month as I have entered a new journey in life. I made a very difficult choice and left the medical field for a ministry opportunity. I now minister to kids! Their problems over not having dessert or fighting over the TV can sometimes seem unimportant. However, they see these as real problems in their life. If we don’t train our kids to deal with these problems in a way that pleases God, how are they going to learn to handle real big problems down the road in a way that brings God glory? Problems like...dealing with a blank page! :)

I came into the ministry position with basically a blank slate. I could do anything I wanted with the room, with the curriculum, with the volunteer organization...you name it I could change it! I have every opportunity to make this ministry exactly how I want it to be. The thing is, this ministry has become exactly what a blank page is to me...a paralyzing task where I want the best for my blank sheet of paper, but I don’t know what to do with it.

What is ironic in this situation is that the ministry I have been called to work in mirrors what God is doing in my life. I have changed lanes, gone a different course. I used to be a blank sheet of paper. Now I have tears, holes, fears, a little yellowing (or sunburn from the hot Texas sun) things written down from what I or other people have said. Thing is, I am not the prettiest looking sheet of paper in the world.

Would you believe that God wants to take my sheet of paper, and make it into a new blank page? It’s like making your own paper! I have taken old receipts, magazines, papers to be recycled from school, put them in a blender, soaked them in water, then made paper by forming sheets from the pulp with mesh and a picture frame. I have made some beautiful paper and used it as personal stationary from some things that I wanted to throw away.

God does the same thing with us when we put our trust in Him. Granted the blending and soaking and drying and pressing isn’t the “funnest” process in the world to go through. Yet I am a new blank sheet of paper, waiting for God to write on me and use me for His glory. I have the anxiety and the stress I feel about the literal blank sheet of paper about my life sometimes. I want it to be the best life so that God can be glorified.

The thing is I am not in control! If I want my literal, metaphorical or life piece of paper to be the best it can be, I have to let God write on it, not me. I fail. I mess up. I can never be perfect and be the best. He can though.

My ministry and my life are not my own to write on. They belong to God and God only. As terrifying as a blank page can be, the anxiety is nothing compared to the excitement that comes when you know the author of the universe is going to write on your page.